Brick: Mom, Dad, great news. My sophomore year is finally picking up. There's a new girl at school named Lilah, and she doesn't know anybody, and she's coming over here tomorrow.
Frankie: You invited a girl here and she said "yes"?
Mike: Promise to do her homework for a year or something?
Brick: No. I just told her that I was hanging out and she should join me. But where do I go from here? I have no idea how to court a lady. I wish I could just grab her and keep her in the basement for three days until she likes me.
Frankie: Yeah, Brick, don't say that again.
Brick: Sorry. But I only have this weekend to make my move. Once Monday hits and the whole school sees her, it's over.
Frankie: Well, wow. So, you really like this girl?
Brick: She's available... Of course I like her. I don't know what it is, but I just want to spirit her off to a cabin in the woods so she's totally dependent on me for meals.
Mike: Brick, again...
Brick: Look, all I know is, she's coming over here tomorrow, and we got to do something epic. We can't just throw something together at the last minute. Everything has to be on point. Mom, first of all, maybe you could start by picking up some of these bras. I'm telling you, this girl is a whole new opportunity for me. For the first time since breaking up with Cindy, I feel alive again. I just like her so much I want to squeeze her until she stops breathing.
Frankie & Mike: Brick!
Brick: No! I'm saying I want to smother her with... Oh, I see what you mean now.

Hutch: Look at you, rockin' the bun. I like that. Makes you look dangerous... Like a homeless person.
Axl: Still hilarious, I see. Damn, Hutch, this place is sweet.
Hutch: Yeah, well, I'm making some decent coin now, so I figured I'd treat myself to some nice digs. The view ain't much, but if you lean far enough out the window, you could see the lake as you plummet to your death.

Axl: [answers phone] Hello? Yes, I'm here. I don't know, like five minutes ago? No, I'm fine. Yes, I ate. I'm with him right now. I'm not saying "hi" for you. Don't make me block you. [hangs up] My mom says, "Hi."

Axl: [Axl sloppily eats chips]
Hutch: You, uh... You heard from Kenny?
Axl: Oh, dude, I forgot to tell you, I totally lost Kenny on this train in Venice. It was crazy. [mini vacuum whirs] Who are you?
Hutch: What? I don't want any ants.
Axl: Ants? We love ants. They were our pets.
Hutch: I like to keep things nice for the ladies. I want my place to say, "Thank you for staying. Please come again, and next time, bring a friend. We know you have a choice in where you spend your night, and we thank you for choosing Hutch."

Axl: Hmm. Okay. Fine. So, what's the plan? We hitting some bars?
Hutch: Yeah, we are, but not on Sunday.
Axl: Hmm. Did you get religion?
Hutch: No, I got to host this mixer. It's this lame thing my apartment complex does. Each month, someone from the building takes a turn hosting, and it's my night to do it.
Axl: Wow. Sunday's a mixer? What's Monday... Bingo night?
Hutch: Oh, that's Tuesday nights. And you can win up to 20 bucks.

Mike: [doorbell rings] Frankie, read the stage directions... You're the one who answers the door.
Frankie: Oh. Okay.
Brick: Okay, this is it. And don't forget, if things start going south, we're gonna go with the alternate ending on page 12.
Frankie: And remember, Brick, no creepy basement talk.
Brick: Good note, Mom.
Lilah: Hi. Is this Brick's house?
Frankie: Hello... Line?

Brick: And I have recently learned several notes on the French horn.
Lilah: Cool. Maybe sometime I can bring my clarinet over and we can rock out.
Frankie: Oh, are you leaving? That's probably good, because Brick has those two parties to go to. Isn't that right, Mike?
Mike: Yep.
Lilah: Well, I am out of here. Than you so much for having me. And the cookies? They looked like they were from the store, but they were warm. So good! So, I'll see you at school Monday?
Brick: I'll meet you at your bus before you go in.
Lilah: Thanks. I feel better at least knowing I know somebody.
Brick: Actually, you really don't need to know anybody else. In fact, I recommend not. [Lilah chuckles]

Mike: Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Frankie: Whoo!
Brick: Did you hear that? She wants me to meet her at her bus. And, Dad, kudos on your performance. You hit every mark.
Mike: I felt good.
Frankie: Why does he get all the praise? I had that two-page speech about the Jell-O.
Brick: You were okay. I thought you were pushing.
Frankie: [softly] Maybe if I had better material...

Hutch: Whoa, this isn't a freshman dorm party. You've got to put 'em in bowls.
Axl: Oh, my God, dude, you're killing me! Who are you?
Hutch: [sighs] I know, I feel you, but this is a classy building. I mean, we got a doorman, and there's almost no barf in the hallways.
Axl: Yawn, sounds boring. Hey, you know what we should do?
Hutch: Hmm?
Axl: Remember how we used to play Big Cruddy at our parties?
Hutch: I do love me some Big Cruddy. Wait, why did we call it that, again?
Axl: I don't know. We were drunk. Just saying, maybe this mixer wouldn't suck so much if we pretended to be other people. Like, I could be the guy who, uh, invented Lucky Charms, or... a smoke jumper, parachutes into forest fires.
Hutch: [inhales sharply] Dude, I don't think a smoke jumper's mommy calls him to see if he got here okay.
Axl: I told her not to.

Hutch: Hell, yeah. I'm Beyoncé's cousin. Her close friends call her Queen B, but family, we just call her B. One time, we were at this club, and I just turned to her, and I said, "Wow, look at all the single ladies." And, well [chuckles] Yeah. Mm-hmm.