Michael Quote #164
Quote from Michael in Best Self
Tahani: Of course! That's it. We should speak to the manager. Wait, you said that there was a judge who decides on disputes between the Good Place and the Bad Place, right? Some sort of head honcho I could pace in front of and plead our case to and maybe even wag a finger at disapprovingly.
Michael: I thought about that. It's a non-starter. Judge rarely hears cases. And the only way to get to the Judge's office is through a portal, and we can never get to that.
Chidi: Why not?
Michael: We'd have to walk through the actual Bad Place, in plain sight, without getting caught. Reach and pass through the portal. Convince the judge to hear us out, even though we didn't go through the proper channels. And then somehow win our unwinnable case.
Eleanor: [burps] Okay. Let's do it.
Michael: You're serious?
Eleanor: Yeah! What do we have to lose?
Michael: All I've ever really wanted was to know what it feels like to be human, and now we're going to do the most human thing of all: attempt something futile with a ton of unearned confidence and fail spectacularly!
The Good Place Quotes
‘Best Self’ Quotes
Quote from Michael
Eleanor: The point is Michael, we forgive you. I mean, at least you tried to find a way to the Good Place. And that's the greatest thing someone can do, just try your best. So we hereby name you an honorary human. And we would like to present you with this human starter kit.
Michael: Car keys! So I could lose them, and say, "Has anyone seen my car keys?" I can do that you know that thing where... [laughs] Thank you! And Band-Aids for your stupid, fragile bodies. Oh, and look at this. A stress ball with a dumb corporate logo. Oh, I can't wait to keep finding this and then almost throw it away, and then think, "No, I'll use it." [laughter] Oh, guys. A Dr. Oz diet book because you're all such suckers. This is all garbage that I have no real use for.
Eleanor: That's right. Welcome to being human, buddy. To Michael!
Quote from Jason
Jason: What do you guys think the Bad Place is going to be for you? I'll probably go to a Skrillex concert. And I'll be waiting for the bass drop, and it... [weeps] it'll never come.
Quote from Chidi
Chidi: Here's the thing about me. You know the sound that a fork makes in the garbage disposal? That's the sound that my brain makes all the time. It's just this constant grinding about things I'm afraid of or things that I want or want to want or want to want to...
Eleanor: Is it grinding in there right now, bud?
Chidi: Yep, but the point is... the circumstances under which me met are completely insane. And that just makes the grinding harder. I just wish we met the way normal people meet. Like at a philosophy conference, or after one of my philosophy lectures. Or you came knocking on my office door asking for help with philosophy.
Eleanor: Is that how you think people meet?
Chidi: I don't know how normal people meet.
Eleanor: You're such a nerd.