Eleanor Quote #75
Quote from Eleanor in Most Improved Player
Eleanor: Okay, to understand this, you have to know about my roommate, Madison. She was terrible.
[flashback:]
Eleanor: Hey, Mads, um, I have to go to this stupid work party tonight. Can I borrow your peach dress?
Madison: Aww, that's a hard no, babe. That dress is like twice your salary. All right, I gotta go to the DMV and pick up my vanity plates. Ciao, bitches.
[After Madison leaves, Eleanor sneaks into her wardrobe and puts the dress on. As she tries to zip it up, the fabric tears. Eleanor puts the dress back into plastic cover from the dry cleaner, returns it to the wardrobe and rushes out.]
[present:]
Michael: Well, that's... that's not great, but I assume you confessed and paid to fix it.
Eleanor: Not exactly.
[flashback:]
Madison: Hey, losers, I'm going out. Can you zip me?
Alexis: Dude, that dress is hella ripped.
Madison: What? [Alexis laughs] Oh, that stupid dry cleaner!
Eleanor: Well, that's the risk you take when you keep your clothes clean.
Madison: My mom's a lawyer. Those asswipes are gonna pay.
[present:]
Eleanor: She sued for $900 for the dress and $80 million in emotional distress. The legal fees drove the dry cleaner out of business.
Michael: Oh, boy.
The Good Place Quotes
‘Most Improved Player’ Quotes
Quote from Tahani
Tahani: I really do have sympathy for your situation. I mean, you thought your soul mate was a good person, and then you learned that she's just an immoral grifter.
Chidi: Tahani, please.
Tahani: Am I wrong? She lied to everyone. She caused a giant sinkhole into which poor Glenn fell. She caused a trash storm. She... Well, she pretended to be my friend when I really needed one. And, lest we forget, she murdered Janet. As far as I'm concerned, the sooner she's gone, the better off we'll all be.
Chidi: I... I understand that Eleanor violated our trust, but please, when you're talking to Michael, try to think about what she's had to go through.
Tahani: All right. I will, for you. But we've been through a lot as well. You know, I haven't been this upset since my good friend Taylor was rudely upstaged by my other friend, Kanye, who was defending my best friend, Beyonce.
Quote from Michael
Michael: Since Janet can't retrieve your file, I need to find another way to determine what kind of person you were. This is a quick litmus test. Handful of questions designed to tell whether you are fundamentally good or bad. Question number one: Did you ever commit a serious crime, such as murder, sexual harassment, arson, or otherwise?
Eleanor: No.
Michael: Did you ever have a vanity license plate, like "MAMASBMW," "LEXUS4LIZ," or "BOOBGUY"?
Eleanor: No.
Michael: Did you ever reheat fish in an office microwave?
Eleanor: Ew, no.
Michael: Have you ever paid money to hear music performed by California funk rock band "The Red Hot Chili Peppers"?
Eleanor: No.
Michael: Did you ever take off your shoes and socks on a commercial airline?
Eleanor: And socks? Ew, who would do that?
Michael: People who go to the Bad Place, Eleanor, that's the point. And unless I can figure out a compelling reason to keep you here, you will spend eternity with murderers, and arsonists, and people who take off their shoes and socks on commercial airlines.
Quote from Jason
Eleanor: Listen up, genius. He's gonna call you in there in a second.
Jason: Don't worry, I got you. I'll just tell Michael you're the bomb and that you got a dope soul and hella ethics.
Eleanor: Oh, boy. No, don't say any of that. Michael has a lie detector in there. It's a... it's a glowing cube.
Jason: Like the AllSpark? From Transformers?
Chidi: Sure, uh, just like the AllSpark from Transformers, and... and he'll know instantly if you're lying about anything so only smiles and nods, got it? [Jason nods]