Tahani Quote #26
Tahani: I really do have sympathy for your situation. I mean, you thought your soul mate was a good person, and then you learned that she's just an immoral grifter.
Chidi: Tahani, please.
Tahani: Am I wrong? She lied to everyone. She caused a giant sinkhole into which poor Glenn fell. She caused a trash storm. She... Well, she pretended to be my friend when I really needed one. And, lest we forget, she murdered Janet. As far as I'm concerned, the sooner she's gone, the better off we'll all be.
Chidi: I... I understand that Eleanor violated our trust, but please, when you're talking to Michael, try to think about what she's had to go through.
Tahani: All right. I will, for you. But we've been through a lot as well. You know, I haven't been this upset since my good friend Taylor was rudely upstaged by my other friend, Kanye, who was defending my best friend, Beyonce.
Quote from Michael
Michael: Since Janet can't retrieve your file, I need to find another way to determine what kind of person you were. This is a quick litmus test. Handful of questions designed to tell whether you are fundamentally good or bad. Question number one: Did you ever commit a serious crime, such as murder, sexual harassment, arson, or otherwise?
Michael: Did you ever have a vanity license plate, like "MAMASBMW," "LEXUS4LIZ," or "BOOBGUY"?
Michael: Did you ever reheat fish in an office microwave?
Eleanor: Ew, no.
Michael: Have you ever paid money to hear music performed by California funk rock band "The Red Hot Chili Peppers"?
Michael: Did you ever take off your shoes and socks on a commercial airline?
Eleanor: And socks? Ew, who would do that?
Michael: People who go to the Bad Place, Eleanor, that's the point. And unless I can figure out a compelling reason to keep you here, you will spend eternity with murderers, and arsonists, and people who take off their shoes and socks on commercial airlines.
Quote from Jason
Eleanor: Listen up, genius. He's gonna call you in there in a second.
Jason: Don't worry, I got you. I'll just tell Michael you're the bomb and that you got a dope soul and hella ethics.
Eleanor: Oh, boy. No, don't say any of that. Michael has a lie detector in there. It's a... it's a glowing cube.
Jason: Like the AllSpark? From Transformers?
Chidi: Sure, uh, just like the AllSpark from Transformers, and... and he'll know instantly if you're lying about anything so only smiles and nods, got it? [Jason nods]
Quote from Eleanor
Michael: Eleanor, come on in. Well, not often you get to confront your greatest failure face-to-face.
Eleanor: Good to see you, too, bud.
Michael: I am just dumbfounded as to how this happened. Our system has never made a mistake before... It's just not possible. And yet, here we are. First things first, who are you?
Eleanor: Well, my name is Eleanor Shellstrop, and some of the info you had was right. I mean, "flattened by boner pill truck after dropping margarita mix in grocery store parking lot," that's a very me way to die. But all the other info was wrong. In my defense, when I first arrived, and you said, "You, Eleanor Shellstrop, are dead, and you're in the Good Place," I had no reason to think that was a mistake.
Michael: Location and date of birth, please.
Eleanor: Phoenix, Arizona, October 14, 1986. So sorry. That's what I used to tell people when I lied about my age. I was born in 1982.
Michael: You lied so much, you forgot your own birthday. Not a great start, but it should be enough for Janet to locate your file.