Tahani Quote #26
Quote from Tahani in Most Improved Player
Tahani: I really do have sympathy for your situation. I mean, you thought your soul mate was a good person, and then you learned that she's just an immoral grifter.
Chidi: Tahani, please.
Tahani: Am I wrong? She lied to everyone. She caused a giant sinkhole into which poor Glenn fell. She caused a trash storm. She... Well, she pretended to be my friend when I really needed one. And, lest we forget, she murdered Janet. As far as I'm concerned, the sooner she's gone, the better off we'll all be.
Chidi: I... I understand that Eleanor violated our trust, but please, when you're talking to Michael, try to think about what she's had to go through.
Tahani: All right. I will, for you. But we've been through a lot as well. You know, I haven't been this upset since my good friend Taylor was rudely upstaged by my other friend, Kanye, who was defending my best friend, Beyonce.
The Good Place Quotes
‘Most Improved Player’ Quotes
Quote from Michael
Michael: Since Janet can't retrieve your file, I need to find another way to determine what kind of person you were. This is a quick litmus test. Handful of questions designed to tell whether you are fundamentally good or bad. Question number one: Did you ever commit a serious crime, such as murder, sexual harassment, arson, or otherwise?
Eleanor: No.
Michael: Did you ever have a vanity license plate, like "MAMASBMW," "LEXUS4LIZ," or "BOOBGUY"?
Eleanor: No.
Michael: Did you ever reheat fish in an office microwave?
Eleanor: Ew, no.
Michael: Have you ever paid money to hear music performed by California funk rock band "The Red Hot Chili Peppers"?
Eleanor: No.
Michael: Did you ever take off your shoes and socks on a commercial airline?
Eleanor: And socks? Ew, who would do that?
Michael: People who go to the Bad Place, Eleanor, that's the point. And unless I can figure out a compelling reason to keep you here, you will spend eternity with murderers, and arsonists, and people who take off their shoes and socks on commercial airlines.
Quote from Jason
Eleanor: Listen up, genius. He's gonna call you in there in a second.
Jason: Don't worry, I got you. I'll just tell Michael you're the bomb and that you got a dope soul and hella ethics.
Eleanor: Oh, boy. No, don't say any of that. Michael has a lie detector in there. It's a... it's a glowing cube.
Jason: Like the AllSpark? From Transformers?
Chidi: Sure, uh, just like the AllSpark from Transformers, and... and he'll know instantly if you're lying about anything so only smiles and nods, got it? [Jason nods]
Quote from Eleanor
Michael: Eleanor, come on in. Well, not often you get to confront your greatest failure face-to-face.
Eleanor: Good to see you, too, bud.
Michael: I am just dumbfounded as to how this happened. Our system has never made a mistake before... It's just not possible. And yet, here we are. First things first, who are you?
Eleanor: Well, my name is Eleanor Shellstrop, and some of the info you had was right. I mean, "flattened by boner pill truck after dropping margarita mix in grocery store parking lot," that's a very me way to die. But all the other info was wrong. In my defense, when I first arrived, and you said, "You, Eleanor Shellstrop, are dead, and you're in the Good Place," I had no reason to think that was a mistake.
Michael: Location and date of birth, please.
Eleanor: Phoenix, Arizona, October 14, 1986. So sorry. That's what I used to tell people when I lied about my age. I was born in 1982.
Michael: You lied so much, you forgot your own birthday. Not a great start, but it should be enough for Janet to locate your file.