Tahani Quote #18
Quote from Tahani in Category 55 Emergency Doomsday Crisis
Tahani: Still second to last. [sighs]
[flashback:]
Manisha Al-Jamil: Tahani! This auction threatens to be an embarrassing failure.
Tahani: 5.2 million isn't bad.
Waqas Al-Jamil: It's very "middle-thermometer." Your public failure is our public failure.
Manisha Al-Jamil: You know what has to be done.
[later:]
Tahani: I'm very pleased to announce that there has been an addition to today's docket. I'm sure you all know my sister, Kamilah. [cheers and applause] Yes. Kamilah. Kamilah, of course, is the youngest person ever to graduate from Oxford University, she's a world-class painter, social activist, iconoclast, Olympic gold medalist for archery, a BAFTA Award-winner for her documentary on her Grammy Award-winning album, and the person voted "Most Likely to be Banksy." So without further ado, take it away from me! Sorry, I mean take it away, Kamilah. [applause]
Kamilah Al-Jamil: I am auctioning off a lunch date with me. [crowd exclaims] The bidding shall commence at £3 million. [excited murmuring]
Waqas Al-Jamil: 5 million!
The Good Place Quotes
‘Category 55 Emergency Doomsday Crisis’ Quotes
Quote from Chidi
Chidi: So, to sum up: Utilitarianism posits that the correct choice is the one that causes the most good or pleasure, and the least pain and suffering.
Eleanor: I like this one. It's simple. Ugh, screw all the other complicated theories, why didn't you start with this one?
Chidi: Ah, but here's the problem. If all that matters is the sum total of "goodness," then you can justify any number of bad actions, like torturing one innocent person to save a hundred, or preemptive war...
Quote from Michael
Michael: Ah, Tahani. I've been working on my Western Hemisphere brunch banter. Tell me what you think. That New Yorker article was crazy. You haven't seen Hamilton? Hey, did you hear about Stephanie?
Tahani: Very well done, Michael.
Quote from Jason
Jason: Oh, dip, I get it. It's like, I knew this girl Sheila? She was a black market alligator dealer with a pierced jawbone.
Chidi: Um... Okay, what?
Jason: Sheila was gonna get married to my boy, Donkey Doug, and make him move to Sarasota. It would've broken up my whole break dancing crew and Donkey Doug was our best pop-and-locker. So I hid a bunch of stolen boogie boards in Sheila's garage and called the cops. I framed one innocent gator dealer to save a 60-person dance crew.
Chidi: Shockingly, that is a relevant example of the Utilitarian dilemma. Well done.
Jason: Thanks! [raises hand]
Chidi: Um... Uh, yes, Jianyu?
Jason: Can I be excused? Tahani's doing a brunch party and I want to get there before all the mini-waffles run out.
Chidi: Go ahead, man.
Jason: Yes! [runs out]