Chidi Quote #15
Quote from Chidi in Category 55 Emergency Doomsday Crisis
Chidi: You want to know what's wrong? You are a full-time job. I wake up, there's Eleanor. I spend all day teaching Eleanor. And then it's, "Good night, Eleanor." Oh, this is a nice dream, my grandma's here. Wait, she's got Eleanor's face! And tentacles for some reason.
Eleanor: I thought you liked teaching me. So now I'm just some huge burden for you?
Chidi: Yes! Of course you are! I am in paradise! I should be doing paradise things, like rowing out on a lake with a good bottle of wine, reading French poetry.
Eleanor: That's your idea of paradise?
Chidi: You know, and I can't stop helping you, because then I am shirking my ethical duty. It's an impossible position!
Eleanor: You know what, if you're so stressed from writing on a chalkboard, why don't you just leave? We can pretend to be soul mates in public, but other than that, we don't have to see each other!
Chidi: Fine with me! I'll move out right now.
Eleanor: Fine!
The Good Place Quotes
‘Category 55 Emergency Doomsday Crisis’ Quotes
Quote from Chidi
Chidi: So, to sum up: Utilitarianism posits that the correct choice is the one that causes the most good or pleasure, and the least pain and suffering.
Eleanor: I like this one. It's simple. Ugh, screw all the other complicated theories, why didn't you start with this one?
Chidi: Ah, but here's the problem. If all that matters is the sum total of "goodness," then you can justify any number of bad actions, like torturing one innocent person to save a hundred, or preemptive war...
Quote from Michael
Michael: Ah, Tahani. I've been working on my Western Hemisphere brunch banter. Tell me what you think. That New Yorker article was crazy. You haven't seen Hamilton? Hey, did you hear about Stephanie?
Tahani: Very well done, Michael.
Quote from Jason
Jason: Oh, dip, I get it. It's like, I knew this girl Sheila? She was a black market alligator dealer with a pierced jawbone.
Chidi: Um... Okay, what?
Jason: Sheila was gonna get married to my boy, Donkey Doug, and make him move to Sarasota. It would've broken up my whole break dancing crew and Donkey Doug was our best pop-and-locker. So I hid a bunch of stolen boogie boards in Sheila's garage and called the cops. I framed one innocent gator dealer to save a 60-person dance crew.
Chidi: Shockingly, that is a relevant example of the Utilitarian dilemma. Well done.
Jason: Thanks! [raises hand]
Chidi: Um... Uh, yes, Jianyu?
Jason: Can I be excused? Tahani's doing a brunch party and I want to get there before all the mini-waffles run out.
Chidi: Go ahead, man.
Jason: Yes! [runs out]