Chidi Quote #17
Chidi: Quick summary of contractualism. Uh, imagine a group of reasonable people are coming up with the rules for a new society.
Eleanor: Like if your Uber driver talks to you, the ride should be free?
Chidi: Sure, but anyone can veto any rule that they think is unfair. So if you said, "We should be able to break our promises without any repercussions," someone would veto that rule.
Eleanor: Well, my first rule would be that no one can veto my rules.
Chidi: Well, that's called tyranny. And it's generally frowned upon. If you make a promise to someone, you should do it. Just like I promised to help you and still am, despite your constant mockery.
Eleanor: [mockingly] "Despite your constant mockery." Whatever, you love it.
Quote from Michael
Michael: Oh, hey, Eleanor, thanks for coming in. Sorry about the mess. [clears throat] Oh, I forgot, you don't see in nine dimensions. There's just a lot of... there's a lot of tension in the air right now.
Eleanor: Are you okay, buddy? You seem kind of stressed.
Michael: No, no, no, I'm fine. Top of my game, actually. Uh, here, let me just, uh... Have a seat. There you go. So to prepare to meet all of you, I studied the human concept of friends. I even watched all ten seasons of the show Friends. Boy, those Friends really were friends, weren't they? Although... and I realize this is the kind of observation that would only occur to the mind of an eternal being... How did they afford that apartment? A waitress and a chef with those Manhattan real estate prices.
Eleanor: Yeah, we were all confused about that too.
Quote from Jason
Tahani: Jianyu, my love. How are you?
Jason: [looks at Magic 8-Ball] I am decidedly so.
Tahani: That's very profound.
Tahani: Um, soul mate... an idea. Our neighborhood now features a spa, and it offers couples packages. And I thought maybe we could get facials and do yoga and talk in long, discursive sentences. What do you say?
Jason: [looks down] Signs point to yes.
Tahani: Oh! Marvelous. We'll go today.
Quote from Michael's Gambit
Eleanor: But wait, why is Chidi here?
Chidi: Well, uh... there's something you don't know about me. I read an article saying that growing almonds was bad for the environment, and yet I continued to use almond milk in my coffee...
Michael: No, dingus! You hurt everyone in your life with your rigidity and your indecisiveness.
Chidi: Oh, fork! You're right. Every friend, every girlfriend was driven nuts because I couldn't do anything. I missed my mom's back surgery because I had already promised my landlord's nephew that I would help him figure out his new phone. I made everyone miserable.
Quote from The Trolley Problem
Chidi: But definitely a no on the rap musical?
Eleanor: I mean, if we really...
Chidi: [rapping] My name is Kierkegaard, and my writing is impeccable. Check out my teleological suspension of the ethical.
Chidi: No! Right? [laughs] No, it felt like a no when I was doing it.