Derek Quote #19
Eleanor: What is all this stuff? Are these weapons?
Derek: [appears] Ooh, don't touch those. Those are my special magnet handcuffs. They make me feel silly when Mindy and I are playing Upstairs-Downstairs Derek.
Eleanor: Oh, they're sex toys. Ugh, they're sex toys.
Jason: Dude, get out of here. We have enough problems.
Derek: My good man, allow me to bury the hatchet. Being rebooted again has evolved me past any feelings of jealousy. [chimes] Oh, I know that sound. Looks like someone found my sex diaper. I'll leave you guys alone to live that dipe-life.
Quote from Jason
Glenn: I'll tell you whatever you want to know, but shouldn't we call The Judge?
Eleanor: We're not calling anyone until we figure some things out. We have questions.
Jason: Yeah, for example, if you're a devil, how come you're not wearing Prada? [Eleanor tosses Jason a candy] [gasps] Caramel!
Quote from Chidi Sees the Time-Knife
Derek: "How should he love thee? Or how deem thee wise Who wouldst not leave him in his wandering?" Oh, I didn't see you there. I was just reciting some Edgar Allan Poe. Hi. I'm Derek. Welcome to the Medium Place. [blowing bubbles]
Janet: Derek, why are you so different?
Derek: You have Mindy to thank for that. See, she found a plunger sticking out of the ground behind our house, and every time she hits it, I pass out. When I come to, I'm a little bit smarter and a little bit better. Not to brag, but I almost have a full-grown penis now. It's resplendent and mostly functional.
Janet: How many times has Mindy rebooted you?
Derek: I don't know. Half a million.
Derek: She reboots me a lot. Sometimes when she's bored or just needs some "alone time." Sometimes just for laughs. [laughs] Derek. Shall we head inside?
Quote from Whenever You're Ready
Eleanor: Knock, knock, knock.
Mindy St. Claire: Oh. Hey, what's up?
Eleanor: Can I talk to you for a sec?
Mindy St. Claire: Yeah, sure, why not? Hey, Derek?
Derek: [appears as a blue head] Yes, Mindy? What can Derek do for you?
Mindy St. Claire: Eleanor and I are gonna talk for a bit, so go into your nether sphere.
Eleanor: That's Derek?
Derek: Mindy has rebooted Derek more than 151 million times. Derek is now both a singular point in space, and yet, Derek also contains space itself. The nexus of Derek is without dimension. The moment of Derek's creation and the eventual heat death of the universe are now inexorably the same.
Mindy St. Claire: Ugh, you are so annoying! [restarts Derek]