Michael Quote #297
Michael: I just don't want to show you what's underneath here.
Eleanor: I've seen a lot of weird hogs in my life, dude. Get over yourself.
Michael: That's not it. I'm a fire squid.
Michael: No. Not dope. I'm a 6,000-foot tall fire squid. I have tentacles. There's teeth everywhere. I'm on fire, and my neck is long. And there's a smell and lots of juice. There's so much juice, Eleanor.
Jason: I think I speak for everyone here when I say I really have to see this.
Eleanor: So you're not gonna take off your demon Spanx because you're shy? That's convenient.
Michael: Eleanor, if I take off this suit, I will crash through the roof and the entire Neighborhood will see me and the experiment will be blown. But it's more than that. You guys will never look at me the same way again. I won't just be Michael. I'll be... some disgusting mass of burning tentacles. Do you really want to be friends with something like that?
Jason: Yes. I keep saying.
Quote from Jason
Glenn: I'll tell you whatever you want to know, but shouldn't we call The Judge?
Eleanor: We're not calling anyone until we figure some things out. We have questions.
Jason: Yeah, for example, if you're a devil, how come you're not wearing Prada? [Eleanor tosses Jason a candy] [gasps] Caramel!
Quote from Chillaxing
Michael: I still don't have a grip on the human emotional spectrum. You guys are often happy when you should be sad and angry when you should be happy, and texting when you should be driving, which is not an emotion, I know, but it's insane. The point is, in this case, even if it's not rational, you're allowed to feel a little angry. Let yourself off the hook. Process it and work your way through it, and then get your shirt together. Because we have a lot of work to do.
Quote from The Funeral to End All Funerals
Michael: Let's focus on the big picture here. Free of Earth's complications and its unintended consequences, the other three improved a lot. Chidi got 38% more confident. Simone got 43% more flexible in her judgments of people, and John didn't call one single person the C-word.
Judge: But he did yell the C-word at himself as well as a pack of squirrels and a chair he tripped over.
Shawn: Why are we even still discussing this? Brent got worse. If humans can't be good with their needs magically met, maybe they're just not that good.
Judge: He's right; the evidence needed to be overwhelming. I can't just turn the whole afterlife upside down because three people got a little bit better.
Michael: But don't forget. There's a lot of evidence that Eleanor, Jason and Tahani got better in the original experiment, so that's six people. That's the number of friends in Friends. Are you gonna sit there and say that every single Friend belongs in hell? I mean, maybe Ross and Rachel... and Monica and Joey, and definitely Chandler... but Phoebe?