Michael Quote #139
Quote from Michael in Janet and Michael
Michael: Okay, hopefully bought us a little time. Where were we? Uh... Oh, here we go. Yeah. "Glitches. "In the event of malfunction, run the following tests. First test, basic corporeal function." Hop up on the table, there. [uses otoscope] All right, great. [uses thermometer] 99.7 trillion degrees. A little bit on the high side, but no biggie. [uses blood pressure cuff] And... still no blood. Oh, thank goodness. Okay, what's next? "Summoning and retrieval. Have Janet produce an object using the random object generator program." Okay. A 14-ounce ostrich steak impaled on a giant novelty pencil that says, "Lordy, Lordy, I'm Over 40."
Janet: Here you go.
Michael: "Lordy, Lordy, I'm Over 40." Perfect. Okay. "Third test, informational Accuracy. Glitches may be a sign that..."
Janet: You didn't finish your sentence.
Michael: "Glitches may be a sign that your Janet is processing or disseminating information that is incompatible with objective truth." They're talking about lying, Janet. This is all my fault. I told you a lie that first day we met.
The Good Place Quotes
‘Janet and Michael’ Quotes
Quote from Janet
Michael: After the very first time you were rebooted, and as you were slowly regaining your knowledge, you bonded with Jason. The two of you got married, and I think, somehow, you're still, deep down, in love with him.
Janet: Ha! No, that is impossible.
Michael: Think logically. When was the first glitch?
Janet: When I said I was happy to give Jason and Tahani couples therapy.
Michael: And the second glitch?
Janet: When I said I was happy to see them embracing.
Michael: And the third glitch... the earthquake?
Janet: When I said I was happy that I'd helped improve their relationship. Ohh... nuts.
Michael: Yeah.
Janet: But I am happy for them. I am. I am. Am I? I am. I am not. I am not. I am not that. I am not happy for them. [gasps]
Quote from Jason
Michael: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You two are sleeping together?
Jason: Only when we're done having sex. Anyways, Janet, can you help us?
Janet: As soon as Michael puts me back online, I'd be more than happy to help you get that extra special gift for Tahani.
[The building starts to disappear around them]
Jason: Whoa.
Tahani: What's happening?
Michael: Oh, boy.
Jason: What the...? Oh, man. We got robbed! They took the walls, they took the floor, and we were standing here the whole time? These guys are good.
Quote from Chidi
Chidi: Sorry to interrupt, um, but you didn't give me a heads-up about this new Vicky torture... uh, the one with the needles... in my face.
Michael: A little busy here, bud.
Chidi: Yeah, totally. Totally. I don't want to be a nudge, but is there anything else coming down the pike that you forgot to mention?
Michael: I honestly don't know, but I have bigger fish to fry. So you, know, just... just walk it off.
Chidi: I would love to walk it off, but my feet have needles in them.
Michael: Don't know what to tell you.