Michael Quote #24
Quote from Michael in Category 55 Emergency Doomsday Crisis
Michael: Hey, guys, it's Michael.
Eleanor: Hi, Michael, what a lovely surprise.
Michael: Oh, I'd love to make small talk... I've been practicing, too. I'm amazing at it... but I'm in a bit of a rush here. This is Bart and Nina. They live right next door to the, uh, sinkhole, so they obviously need a place to stay. I was wondering, as my assistant, maybe you could put them up for a while?
Eleanor: Oh, of course. Don't... don't think twice.
Michael: Okay, shouldn't take long. Between an hour and, um... 11 months. Somewhere in there. Okay, bye. [closes door then opens it again] Don't go outside. [exits]
The Good Place Quotes
‘Category 55 Emergency Doomsday Crisis’ Quotes
Quote from Chidi
Chidi: So, to sum up: Utilitarianism posits that the correct choice is the one that causes the most good or pleasure, and the least pain and suffering.
Eleanor: I like this one. It's simple. Ugh, screw all the other complicated theories, why didn't you start with this one?
Chidi: Ah, but here's the problem. If all that matters is the sum total of "goodness," then you can justify any number of bad actions, like torturing one innocent person to save a hundred, or preemptive war...
Quote from Michael
Michael: Ah, Tahani. I've been working on my Western Hemisphere brunch banter. Tell me what you think. That New Yorker article was crazy. You haven't seen Hamilton? Hey, did you hear about Stephanie?
Tahani: Very well done, Michael.
Quote from Jason
Jason: Oh, dip, I get it. It's like, I knew this girl Sheila? She was a black market alligator dealer with a pierced jawbone.
Chidi: Um... Okay, what?
Jason: Sheila was gonna get married to my boy, Donkey Doug, and make him move to Sarasota. It would've broken up my whole break dancing crew and Donkey Doug was our best pop-and-locker. So I hid a bunch of stolen boogie boards in Sheila's garage and called the cops. I framed one innocent gator dealer to save a 60-person dance crew.
Chidi: Shockingly, that is a relevant example of the Utilitarian dilemma. Well done.
Jason: Thanks! [raises hand]
Chidi: Um... Uh, yes, Jianyu?
Jason: Can I be excused? Tahani's doing a brunch party and I want to get there before all the mini-waffles run out.
Chidi: Go ahead, man.
Jason: Yes! [runs out]