Janet Quote #7
Michael: Look, Chidi, I'm just trying to find you a hobby - the hat - that will bring you a positive experience. What do you say?
Janet: [puts a fedora on Chidi] I'm loving that hat on you. It would look even better on my floor.
Chidi: What is happening now?
Michael: I suggested she be friendlier; she seems to have slipped right into overt sexuality.
Janet: I got something you can slip into.
Michael: Janet, no! No, Janet.
Quote from Janet
Michael: This is the perfect hobby for you, Chidi. Cartography. Your neighborhood stretches way beyond what you've already seen. And you can map it, revealing all of the mysteries, like an explorer.
Chidi: I see how that might be fun. Uh, but, uh, exploring makes me nervous. I have what doctor's call "directional insanity." I once got lost on an escalator. So not exactly Christopher Columbus.
Janet: Fun fact: Columbus is in the Bad Place because of all the raping, slave trade, and genocide.
Michael: The fact that it makes you nervous is exactly why you should do it. You know, get out of your comfort zone. Become a trail-blazer.
Janet: Fun fact: all deceased members of the Portland Trail Blazers basketball team are also in the Bad Place. [giggles]
Michael: Yeah, sorry about this. I steered her away from colloquialisms and into "fun facts" and trivia tidbits. I thought it'd be more in her wheelhouse.
Janet: Fun fact: a "wheelhouse" is a part of a boat.
Michael: Okay, thank you, Janet, thank you.
Janet: Fun fact: Janet is me.
Quote from Jason
Eleanor: [to herself] Relax, Eleanor. You sent this to yourself. This is your own guilt manifesting itself.
Jason: I've been waiting for you.
Eleanor: Jianyu? You talk now? You sent me these threatening notes? What the fork, man? Some Buddhist monk you are.
Jason: You don't belong here. Admit it.
Eleanor: Okay, you're right. I don't belong here. Michael made a mistake. But I'm trying, dude. I'm really trying to be a good person. And I think I'm changing for the better, so just please, please don't rat me out.
Jason: Don't worry, I won't. [Eleanor sighs] Because I'm not supposed to be here, either. I don't know how I got here, I have no idea what's going on, and I am freakin' out, homey! You got to help me. I'm scared!
Quote from The Eternal Shriek
Eleanor: Ugh, you want a robot killed right, you have to do it yourself.
Janet: Eleanor? Eleanor, no, no, no. Please, wait, wait, wait, wait. Eleanor, I have kids. I have three beautiful children... Tyler, Emma, and little, tiny baby Phillip. Look at Tyler. Tyler has asthma, but he is battling it like a champ. Look at him. No, Eleanor, look at them. [growling] Look at them! Look at them!
Eleanor: [yelps] It's so realistic!
Janet: Eleanor, again, I'm not human. This is a stock photo of the crowd at the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards.
Quote from The Brainy Bunch
Michael: Hey, how's it going?
Janet: Not good, Michael. I don't have my powers. I can't summon things. Dictionary. Spaghetti. Jet-ski. Giraffe. Gah! Look what I've been reduced to! Humans only live 80 years and they spend so much of it just waiting for things to be over.
Michael: I'm all out of sorts down here, too. I'm bad at lying now. That used to be my thing! And every part of my body is either too dry or too wet.
Janet: It's worse for me, man! Ever since we walked through that portal, my knowledge has stopped updating. The instant before we left, a man in Caracas, Venezuela, named Raul Benitez was eating a ham sandwich. Did he finish it? I don't know and it's making me crazy! I gotta find him.