Janet Quote #6

Quote from Janet in Tahani Al-Jamil

Michael: This is the perfect hobby for you, Chidi. Cartography. Your neighborhood stretches way beyond what you've already seen. And you can map it, revealing all of the mysteries, like an explorer.
Chidi: I see how that might be fun. Uh, but, uh, exploring makes me nervous. I have what doctor's call "directional insanity." I once got lost on an escalator. So not exactly Christopher Columbus.
Janet: Fun fact: Columbus is in the Bad Place because of all the raping, slave trade, and genocide.
Michael: The fact that it makes you nervous is exactly why you should do it. You know, get out of your comfort zone. Become a trail-blazer.
Janet: Fun fact: all deceased members of the Portland Trail Blazers basketball team are also in the Bad Place. [giggles]
Michael: Yeah, sorry about this. I steered her away from colloquialisms and into "fun facts" and trivia tidbits. I thought it'd be more in her wheelhouse.
Janet: Fun fact: a "wheelhouse" is a part of a boat.
Michael: Okay, thank you, Janet, thank you.
Janet: Fun fact: Janet is me.

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 ‘Tahani Al-Jamil’ Quotes

Quote from Jason

Eleanor: [to herself] Relax, Eleanor. You sent this to yourself. This is your own guilt manifesting itself.
Jason: I've been waiting for you.
Eleanor: Jianyu? You talk now? You sent me these threatening notes? What the fork, man? Some Buddhist monk you are.
Jason: You don't belong here. Admit it.
Eleanor: Okay, you're right. I don't belong here. Michael made a mistake. But I'm trying, dude. I'm really trying to be a good person. And I think I'm changing for the better, so just please, please don't rat me out.
Jason: Don't worry, I won't. [Eleanor sighs] Because I'm not supposed to be here, either. I don't know how I got here, I have no idea what's going on, and I am freakin' out, homey! You got to help me. I'm scared!
Eleanor: What?

Quote from Tahani

Tahani: So all I want to do is just check in, see how everyone's holding up. Just bring some cheer to these extraordinary people.
Eleanor: Cool. So tell me about yourself. I mean, I want to hear it all, girlfriend. The good, the bad, the really bad, the embarrassing, the humiliating, just... Let's bond!
Tahani: Okay, well I was born in Pakistan, raised in London, schooled in Paris, but I think the primary reason that I'm in the Good Place is that I raised quite a lot of money for non-profit groups.
Eleanor: Oh. Did you ever, uh, skim a little off the top for yourself?
Tahani: Gracious, no, no! No, every penny was accounted for. And as I raised nearly $60 billion, there was quite a lot of pennies. [Eleanor chuckles] But I also dabbled in some other professions. I was a model, a museum curator, an "It Girl," and... oh, I was Baz Luhrmann's muse for a while. That was quite fun.
Eleanor: Modeling? That's a crazy life. Want to tell me about that rock bottom you probably hit?
Tahani: Oh, I didn't really do it for long. Couture just doesn't fit my body. I'm cursed with ample bosom.
Eleanor: And yet you soldier on.
Tahani: Oh, this is silly. So "Tahani" means "congratulations" in Arabic. And "Al-Jamil" means "beautiful," so my full name altogether means...
Eleanor: "Congratulations, Beautiful."
Tahani: Thanks, Eleanor. [giggles] You big flirt.

 Janet Quotes

Quote from The Eternal Shriek

Eleanor: Ugh, you want a robot killed right, you have to do it yourself.
Janet: Eleanor? Eleanor, no, no, no. Please, wait, wait, wait, wait. Eleanor, I have kids. I have three beautiful children... Tyler, Emma, and little, tiny baby Phillip. Look at Tyler. Tyler has asthma, but he is battling it like a champ. Look at him. No, Eleanor, look at them. [growling] Look at them! Look at them!
Eleanor: [yelps] It's so realistic!
Janet: Eleanor, again, I'm not human. This is a stock photo of the crowd at the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards.

Quote from The Brainy Bunch

Michael: Hey, how's it going?
Janet: Not good, Michael. I don't have my powers. I can't summon things. Dictionary. Spaghetti. Jet-ski. Giraffe. Gah! Look what I've been reduced to! Humans only live 80 years and they spend so much of it just waiting for things to be over.
Michael: I'm all out of sorts down here, too. I'm bad at lying now. That used to be my thing! And every part of my body is either too dry or too wet.
Janet: It's worse for me, man! Ever since we walked through that portal, my knowledge has stopped updating. The instant before we left, a man in Caracas, Venezuela, named Raul Benitez was eating a ham sandwich. Did he finish it? I don't know and it's making me crazy! I gotta find him.