Dorothy: Oh. It doesn't matter what your parents want. Rose, you're never gonna make them happy. They're just gonna nag you and nag you until you want to grab their throats and choke 'em, but you don't, because you're in a hospital with resuscitating equipment!

Rose: I think it's great that you want to have your baby here. Boy, in St. Olaf, the mother was always with the daughter when she gave birth. And if the mother was out of town, then the mother of the father was there. And if she was out of town, then we'd call Lucky Gunther.
Dorothy: Oh, what the hell. She has a birthday coming up. Why, Rose?
Rose: After the thresher accident, they replaced Lucky's arm with a forceps. Yep. Lucky Gunther. He was in charge of delivering babies and handing out corn at the Rotary picnics.
Dorothy: Shut up, Rose.

Sophia: How come when company comes, I always have to sleep with Dorothy? How come I always get the short stick?
Dorothy: It's because you are the short stick.