Will: All right. Look, Uncle Phil, if you can't trust me I mean, there's got to be somebody you trust me to go with.
Carlton: Hey-ho, campers.

Carlton: Cut it out, Will. No hijinks while driving, young man. And fasten that seatbelt. It's the law.
Will: Yes, sir, Deputy Dawg. Oh, Carlton, did you see that billboard? Come on, man, I'm starving. [dials car phone] Yes, hello, this is Tony Montana. I just saw your billboard on the highway. If you know what's good for you, you'll make me a pepperoni pizza with anchovies on it.
Carlton: Will, what do you think you're doing?
Will: What's it sound like I'm doing? [on the phone] Yeah, no, we're going north on l-80. Just look for the little, square-head guy who can just barely see over the steering wheel.
Carlton: Grow up, Will.

Will: Oh, Carlton, Carlton. Hey, hey, hey. What's up girls? Oh, no. Slow down. We could use a little roadside assistance, you know?
Carlton: Will, do you want me to turn this car around?
Will: I want you to speed up and catch up with them girls, man.
Carlton: That's it, mister, you're on a time-out.
Will: Carlton, man, look. You really need to loosen up, man. Look, we're young and we're single. One of us is really handsome, the other one is you. But, come on, man, we're kids. It's our job to act like idiots.
Carlton: That's your job, Will. I'm here representing Dad. My job is to ruin your fun.
Will: And you really love your work, don't you?

Homer: Can I help you fellows?
Carlton: Yeah, I guess you might as well fill her up. And wash the windows. And look under the hood for you know, hood things.

Carlton: I don't know how people play these things. They're so boring. Hey, touch that handle, Granny, and you'll be pulling back a nub.

Will: Hey, Homer. What's up with the Benz, man?
Homer: Well, considering my limited experience with foreign cars, this being the first one anyone's actually let me touch, I think it went pretty well.
Will: Let me guess. You have a nuclear reactor in your backyard, don't you?
Carlton: What do we owe you?
Homer: It's $300. There's $25 for the gas and $275 to call Germany to find out whether it took regular or unleaded.
Will: Yo, man, are you crazy?
Homer: Well, I prefer the term "emotionally challenged." And you still owe me $300.

Carlton: This guy's scaring me. Let's just pay him and get out of here. Do you prefer a check or credit card?
Homer: Cash.
Carlton: Well, I've only got $40 cash. You've got to take a credit card. I mean, everyone takes credit cards. What kind of hick are you?
Homer: The kind that don't take credit cards. I'm afraid I'm just going to have to keep the car.

Lola: Tough luck, boys. Next victim?
Will: Hey, Lola, Lola, baby. Check it out. Looky here. I thought we had an understanding, you know? I mean, where I come from, when a man is nice to you you don't take all his money. I mean, at least not while he's still awake.
Lola: You're breaking my heart. Take a hike.
Will: Lola, Lola, baby, come on. I mean, you got to give me a chance to win my money back. I mean, 'cause if you don't, then I'm not going to be able to get my car. Come on, baby, have a heart. I'm just a poor black man trying to get to a panty raid.
Lola: All right, look, I'll give you a job. You can work off your debts. Like Woodrow here.
Woodrow: Yeah, my Studebaker broke down way back in '78. I've been working here all this time to pay it off. Fifteen more years and you can just eat my dust.
Will: Check it out. Look, Lola I don't want to die here an old white man, okay?

Lola: You boys are pathetic. All right, I'm going to give you another shot, slim. Double or nothing, high card wins.
Will: All right, you're on.
Lola: Black queen. Something I can relate to.
Will: Scaboom! A black king, and I don't mean Shaka Zulu.

Carlton: Quarters. I have to have quarters, Will.
Will: Carlton, wait.
Carlton: See, I know I can beat it.
Will: Carlton, listen-
Carlton: First, it was bell, bell, cherry. Right. And then cherry, lemon, lemon.
Will: Carlton-
Carlton: But now, it's just cherry, cherry, bell. Cherry, cherry, bell. Cherry, cherry, bell! Every time a cherry, cherry, bell! Carlton!
Will: Get a grip on yourself, man.