Will: Wow. Hey, I'd love to meet Michael Jordan.
Lisa: Why don't you just have him beep you?
Will: Look, is this beeper a problem? Do you want me to get rid of this beeper? If you want, just say the word and it's gone.
Lisa: Get rid of the beeper.
Will: What am I saying? What would that prove?

Lisa: Will, I'm looking for a little clarity in our relationship. I need to know where we stand.
Will: Lisa. Baby, why do we need to define everything? Let stuff just flow naturally, you know?
Lisa: I just feel like we need to sit down and talk...
Will: Baby, we can talk about this later. I just purchased one of the greatest athletes in the history of athletics.
Auctioneer: Okay, folks. Here we go. [crowd applauds]
Will: Boy, Mike's really changed his looks since he started playing baseball.

Will: You know, so we're up in the auction, right? You know, my beeper go off. She talking about, "You seeing other women."
Geoffrey: Well, are you seeing other women?
Will: No, man.
Geoffrey: Well, then, get rid of your beeper.
Will: Aw, please, man, getting rid of your beeper like getting yourself fixed.

Lisa: Hi, Will.
Will: Hey, Lisa, what's up, baby? Hey, look if you wanna go out tonight, baby, it cannot happen. I feel like I tried to snatch a cheeseburger from George Foreman.

Will: Who was that?
Lisa: That's Dana. What's wrong with you?
Will: Well, the Dana I was expecting would be sitting down on the toilet not standing up in front of it.
Lisa: Will, he's just a friend.
Will: Oh, oh, just a friend. Well, just how friendly is this friend?
Lisa: Will, don't define everything. Let things flow naturally, right?
Will: Where did you hear that crock of garbage?

Carlotta: Will, I don't know why you wanted to see Interview with the Vampire. I get scared so easily.
Will: Well, babe, it wasn't about the movie for me. I just wanted to see you jump. Ha, ha. Girl, you got bounce. Ha-ha-ha.
Carlotta: Ha, ha. You nasty boy.
Will: Oh, how did you know? Hey, listen, you want a soda or something?
Carlotta: Uh, sure. Actually, you know, I was kind of surprised that you called me. Rumor had it that you were off the market.
Will: Oh, well, you know, I'm still hearing offers. Heh. You can, uh, think of tonight as an open house.

Will: Baby, listen. I was just I was just playing around. You see, schizoid is a character that I do. Heh. Wait till you get to meet love boy.
Carlotta: When he gets here, have him call me.

Philip: Oh, Will. I thought you were that Susan Powter.
Will: Oh. Yeah, well, we got the same barber.

Carlton: Oh. Don't be ridiculous, Susan. The whole family would love to go on a 10-mile jog. [sniffs] Hold on. I smell pepperoni on the premises. You're busted, big guy.
Philip: I'll just go eat some celery.

Will: Looks like Lorena Bobbitt got to this suit, huh?
Susan Powter: et's just call this part of your family education kit. Because you know why? In every group, there's always an insensitive boob.
Will: We must be lucky, we got two. Ha, ha. Well, this dumb suit ain't gonna prove nothing. I could wear this thing for a week.
Susan Powter: Oh, really? Why don't you just go out for one day? Go out in public and see what it feels like to look like this. Go ahead.
Will: Pbbt. Look, this thing will be a breeze.