Will: Marge. Where Uncle Olifami?
Marge: He's in the study with Adisimbol.
Will: Oh, yeah, good thing he ain't in here. Because if he was... I might just have to run back up to my room.

Geoffrey: Agent Marcus Collins of the FBI. If you need me, I'll be upstairs saluting the flag.
Philip: Philip Banks, my wife, Vivian.
Vivian: Hello.
Agent Collins: How do you do? I understand you're acquainted with a woman named Margaret Smallwood? I have reason to believe she's been in contact with you, Mr. Banks.
Philip: Really? What would that reason be?
Agent Collins: We tap every Black person's phone in the United States of America. Just a little FBI humor. But seriously, folks, harboring a fugitive can have grave repercussions.

Will: Yo, Hil, check out my horoscope. "You will become a famous rapper with your own TV show." That's dope, right?
Hilary: Those things are ridiculous. What does mine say?
Will: It says, "You are headed for a fall. Beware. Accidents can happen."
Hilary: Those things are so stupid.
[After Hilary walks into the kitchen, she is heard screaming followed by a crashing sound]
Will: I wonder what I'll call my TV show?