Vivian: I'm sorry, Geoffrey, you better reheat the asparagus. Will's still not here. So, how's the chicken holding up?
Geoffrey: I'm afraid it's drier than happy hour at the Betty Ford Center, madam.

Vy: He's just hard-headed! I don't know where he gets it from.
Vivian: I do: He gets it from you. I am the understanding sister. Helen is the loud one, Janice is the flighty one and you are the hard-headed one.
Vy: I thought I was the sweet one.
Vivian: You said you were the sweet one. When we tried to tell you you weren't you wouldn't listen because you're too hard-headed.
Carlton: As much as I enjoy these wonderful walks down memory lane, I'm pooped. I'm going to bed.
Vivian: Look, why don't we try to enjoy what's left of dinner?
Vy: Wait a minute. How can you eat at a time like this? Vivian, I can't get this out of my mind. How can you say that I am hard-headed?
Vivian: Gee, Vy, I don't know where I could have gotten that idea.

Hilary: I had the hardest time deciding what to wear to meet Aunt Vy's new boyfriend. I've never known anyone in construction. Except for that guy in the Village People.

Ashley: Yeah, well, his daughter can sleep in my room, but if she touches my stuff I'm stuffing her in the clothes hamper. What? It's not like Hilary never did it.

Will: Hey, you must be Robert.
Claudia: You're funny. You must be Carlton.
Will: Well, no, you see, actually, Carlton is the funny-looking one over there. See, I'm Will. But you can just call me Your Majesty.
Claudia: I may be small, but I'm not ignorant.

Claudia: I like your bracelet. I bet it would look very cute on my little wrist.
Will: Sorry, a friend gave this to me.
Claudia: That's cool. I'm not down with O.P.P. anyway. You wanna see some pictures?
Will: Yeah, sure. Whoa, that's you and my mom.
Claudia: My dad took it in the back yard. We were having a barbecue.
Will: Claudia, now, after this barbecue you know, you guys had the junk and all the stuff in your teeth. Did my mom have to go home to use her toothbrush or did she already have one there?
[After Claudia smiles knowingly, Will smiles too. Claudia's smile drops as she gets serious.]
Claudia: She used dental floss.
Will: Okay, is my mom over your house more during Good Morning America or Arsenio? Or, is she like there for Arsenio and then still there for Good Morning America?
Claudia: Are you trying to trick me to find out how serious they are?
Will: [scoffs] So, what, you think they're pretty serious?
Claudia: Will, I know how you feel. Believe me, I've been there. Let's face it: Those two kids are nuts about each other. My brother, it's time you wake up and smell the Play-Doh.

Vy: Hi, baby.
Will: Oh, Mom! You half-naked! Come on, you don't want Robert to get the wrong idea.
Vy: You damn straight! You don't think I'm doing these butt-busters for my health?
Will: Okay, that's it, young lady. You go to your room... in Philly.
Vy: Boy, hush up and help me move this table.

Will: Where'd you meet my mom?
Robert: She picked me up in a bar.
Will: Hey, man!
Robert: It was an oyster bar. You see, I was a little shy, so. Luckily, she came up and she talked to me.
Will: So, what'd she talk about?
Robert: You. Is it true you took your diaper off and ran around Sears naked?
Will: You're damn right, and I'd do it again if I had to.

Philip: Congratulations, Robert. Landing a government contract is a hell of a deal. I'd like to impart some words that I've always lived by: Mo' money, mo' money, mo' money.
Carlton: That's beautiful, Dad.

Robert: I have to admit, success is sweet. But having three beautiful women to share it with makes it even sweeter.
Geoffrey: Especially when they're triplets. Oh. I'll get the munchies.