Will: Officer, I want you to arrest this man. He stole my baseball and some other stuff.
Police Officer: I can't do that, sir.
Philip: Why not?
Police Officer: We already arrested the perpetrator. Yes. His name is Edward Haskell. Claims to be your law clerk.
Philip: Edward? Officer, there must be some kind of mistake.
Police Officer: Oh, I'm afraid not, sir. See, we saw his U-Haul double-parked. Upon suggesting he move the vehicle, suspect broke down and confessed to cleaning you out, sir.
Philip: Why would he want to rob me?
Police Officer: Well, according to him, he's sick and tired of getting you bagels. It's not his job to iron your robes. And he said you unfairly accused him of calling 1-900-horny.
Carlton: The man is obviously a deviant.
Philip: Well, thank you, officer. And I'll meet you down at the station to make a positive ID.