Angie Barnett: Why is it every time I leave the room, you guys do this?
Kelso: It's Thanksgiving. Some people bake pies, we bake ourselves.

Angie Barnett: What is all this? What happened to the Soft Rock section?
Hyde: I put it in the alley. See, that way, if somebody comes in asking for Barry Manilow, I can send him outside and lock the door.

Eric: Look, my whole life, I've been trying to please other people. So I feel like I don't know who I am or know what I want to do with my life.
Red: You need a government job, like a mailman. Something simple and repetitive.
Kitty: No, no, no. You know he doesn't do well in snow. What about this? Margie's son is a chiropractor, and she seems very happy.
Eric: I just... I don't wanna wake up in five years and hate my life.
Red: That's unavoidable.
Eric: Okay, I just need more time to think.
Red: You know what I got for my 18th birthday? A draft notice and a malaria vaccine. I never had time to think.
Eric: Yeah, but, Dad, don't you think it would've been helpful if you did?
Red: All right, I'll tell you what. I'll give you six months. But if you haven't picked something by then, you'll do that chiropractic thing that your mother suggested.
Eric: Dad, I... I don't even know what that is.
Kitty: Oh, honey, it's perfect for you. It's like a doctor but you don't have to be as smart.