Donna: Hyde. That's not gonna happen. He's not into me like that and he knows I'm getting over a break-up.
Hyde: Come on, man. Don't you know how guys think?
Donna: Not really. The only guy I have ever been with was Eric, and as far as I know, a typical guy's thoughts are, "Who would win in a fight? Bigfoot or Chewbacca?"

Red: See, that's the thing about marriage. No one tells you about the three rings. There's the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.

Christine St. George: Oh, Jackie. How is the first day of work going?
Jackie: Terrific. I can't believe I'm in the glamorous world of show business, that I have finally arrived! Oh, here's your coffee.
Christine St. George: Thank you. [drinks] Um, I asked for half and half. This is milk.
Jackie: Right, but I kind of, sort of thought they were the same thing.
Christine St. George: [chuckles] No, no, half and half is not the same thing as milk. They're different. Just as listening to me and not listening to me are different. Like happy and furious are different! Like employed and fired are different. Do we understand each other? Good! Now get me the coffee I want or I'll get a monkey to do it!
Receptionist: Jackie. Psst. Come here. Don't take it so hard, sweetie. Sometimes Christine flies off the handle like that. But most of the time she's a real sweetheart.
Jackie: Oh. Really?
Receptionist: No. [laughs] Welcome to hell! [cackles]