Eric Quote #714

Quote from Eric in I'm a Boy

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Eric: [with Donna] Guys, everything is totally cool. I promise to stop acting like such an ass and give Donna only presents, not cash.
Donna: And why is that?
Eric: Because presents are for girlfriends and cash is for hookers.
Donna: Although...
Eric: You're so good, I should pay you.
Donna: Thank you.
Hyde: [with Jackie] You should have seen it coming, Forman. 'Cause when you are deeply, truly happy, it's a sure sign you're doing everything wrong.
Jackie: It's true. When Steven's unhappy, I know our relationship is in good shape.
Hyde: Well, then, we've been tip-top since the minute I met you.
Jackie: Aw.
Kelso: [alone] Yeah, I couldn't be unhappier about me and Brooke, so I know I'm doing the right thing, 'cause the misery is how God lets you know you're on track.
Fez: [alone] And how. Red and I are miserable together and that crazy bastard is nuts about me.

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 ‘I'm a Boy’ Quotes

Quote from Red

Red: Okay, let's get a couple of things straight. I don't want to be here. You don't want to be here.
Fez: I want to be here.
Red: Fine. I don't want to be here and I don't care what you want.
Fez: Okay, then, are you buckled up?
Red: Yes.
Fez: Hmm. Because the little blinking man on the dashboard says you aren't. Buckle up.
Red: No.
Fez: Yes.
Red: No. Look, start this car or I'm gonna pack you in a crate, take you down to the port, and trade you for a year's supply of bananas.

Quote from Red

Red: Still not speaking to me, huh?
Fez: Fine, I'll speak. I spent all day running your bald, grumpy ass around town and do I get a thanks? No. Because you're unpleasant.
Red: You want to know why I'm unpleasant? I just had a heart attack and now I have to be driven around like a useless dope by the idiot that married my daughter and gave me the heart attack in the first place. But I am also unpleasant because I just spent the entire day cooped up in the car breathing that mustard gas you call cologne. But mostly, I'm unpleasant because that's how it works in this family.
Fez: I'm family?
Red: Oh, crap.

Quote from Kitty

Donna: Eric, what is happening to you?
Eric: Look, Donna, I'm sorry, but I'm not regressing. You gotta understand, I'm the man of this house now.
Kitty: [enters] Okay, who's ready for Spidey and a sandwich?
Eric: Me!
Donna: Mrs. Forman, your son is a big, lazy child because you keep babying him.
Kitty: I don't baby him.
Donna: Is there crust on that sandwich?
Kitty: Well, of course not. Crusts are icky. They make Eric sicky. Oh, my God, I'm ruining him. Eric, things are going to change around here, drastically. Tomorrow, you are getting a sandwich with the crusts on. And no more crazy straws. You will be drinking your chocolate milk from a standard straw. Now, who's hungry?
Hyde: I call sandwich.
Kelso: I call Spidey.
Fez: I call sandwich you haven't made yet.