[fantasy: a balding, middle-aged Eric is at the table when an overweight, middle-aged Donna sits down and smokes a cigarette:]
Eric: Oh, hey, did I tell you-
Donna: Heard it! Who ate the last doughnut?
Eric: I did.
Donna: Son of a bitch.
Eric: You ate the first 11!
Donna: Oh, shut up! [coughs]
Eric: No, I won't. I weigh 80 pounds. Look at you! Do you know why I'm bald? My body is eating its own hair!