Red: Eric just came back from your place falling-down drunk. He threw up on my shoes. Now, what were you thinking, leaving kids alone with a keg?
Bud: [sighs] Look, Red, I've never really been a dad before. I-I'm just trying to- I don't know... take it easy, be his friend.
Red: Why would you be friends with a 17-year-old? They're idiots. Bud, being a teenager is like being in combat. One minute you're crawling around half blind... the next, you're looking for your own foot. Follow me?
Bud: Not really. I was a conscientious... Canadian.
Red: Well, if you weren't chicken and you did fight, who would you want as your lieutenant, me or you?
Bud: [chuckles] Well, you, 'cause you're mean and scary.
Red: That's right. Steven doesn't need another friend, Bud. Steven needs somebody to ride his ass. He may not like it. He may not thank you for it. He may do impressions of you behind your back. He thinks he's so damn funny. But the point is, he'll know right from wrong because you did your job.