Jackie: Michael, sit. We need to talk.
Kelso: [sits on waterbed] Whoa! Ahoy, Jackie! Welcome aboard the USS Kelso.
Jackie: You know, sometimes I'm beginning to think you're a real screw-up. [Kelso chuckles] You see, one day I want a house, and kids, and maybe a chandelier. And if you can't give me those things, Michael, then this is all a big waste of time. You just- You gotta try harder. [Jackie sits down] Wait, Michael, something feels wet.
Kelso: [inner monologue] "Dear penthouse."
Jackie: No, no! You popped the waterbed!
Kelso: Oh, it must've been my roach clip. Jackie, maybe they won't notice.
Jackie: I am in love with a Doofus.