Mateo Quote #446
Quote from Mateo in Carol's Back
Hank: Um, sorry, I'm a little confused. Do I work for Cloud 9?
Garrett: Oh, no, no, no, you don't work for Cloud 9, unless someone asks, then you do work for Cloud 9, but you've never heard of us.
Hank: Yeah. Right, so I don't, but I do. Well, I don't...
Mateo: Oh, my God. Do you want the job or not?
Hank: I want it. I need it. I need it. I haven't worked in three months. My alimony is late. My ex-wife's lawyers are getting very threatening.
Mateo: I'm gonna stop you right there. You say you want the job, but, you know, I'm seeing this huge mess. It still needs to be dealt with.
Hank: You're right. There's a lot work to be done. I'll get right on it. Sorry, boss.
Superstore Quotes
‘Carol's Back’ Quotes
Quote from Dina
Dina: I'm just giving it a quick once over to make sure there's nothing with sharp edges or too pointy.
Glenn: Oh, come on, you really think Carol would bring a weapon into the store? I mean, she's been to therapy. She's not dangerous anymore. She's back to being boring.
Dina: Oh, yeah? Then how do you explain this?
Glenn: What are those?
Dina: Well, they're... They're headphones. But she could easily use these to strangle somebody.
Glenn: You think?
Dina: Yeah, I do think. Aha. How about these? Bobby pins, dozens of them. You can hide one in your mouth, then when you're Frenching someone, just slip it in, and boom... Oh, the old poke-and-choke.
Glenn: Oh, no.
Dina: Is this a picture of Janet's son?
Glenn: Oh, my God, Sandra's cat was just the beginning. This is sick.
Dina: [gasps] Oh, my God. Kirkwood Youth Soccer League schedule?
Glenn: She's stalking Janet's kid.
Dina: She even had a Janet driver's license made. What is her endgame here?
Janet: What the hell are you doing in my purse?
Glenn: Oh. Oh, it's... It's her purse.
Dina: Yeah, makes sense.
Quote from Mateo
Mateo: I can't believe I lost my place. Now I'm 613th in line. I'm gonna be stuck in the upper balcony with all the heteros. No offense.
Garrett: Oh, no, none taken. That sounds horrible.
Quote from Marcus
Amy: Okay, can we just stop talking about this? The fact is, Carol has to work somewhere in the store, so she's gonna be in somebody's department.
Marcus: Well, it's obviously not gonna be Sandra. I heard Carol freaked her out so much she crapped her wedding dress.
Glenn: Oh.
Sandra: Oh, um, that didn't happen.
Marcus: You don't have to be embarrassed. It's totally natural. It happens to lots of brides at their wedding.
Janet: That's childbirth.
Sandra: I didn't crap myself. Amy, tell him.
Dina: Sandra, she said she didn't want to talk about what happened that night; the rumor stands.
Sandra: Oh, man.