Garrett Quote #352
Garrett: [over PA] Attention Cloud 9 shoppers, today we celebrate St. Valentine, a priest who was beaten, stoned, dragged through town, and decapitated. Some say the color red represents the pools of blood around his body. Cute teddy bears are 15% off.
Quote from Dina
Glenn: And that's pretty much it for this morning. [birds screeching] Except remember to be on the lookout for jilted lovers. We'd like to break the streak of revenge stabbings this Valentine's. Any questions?
Jonah: We can't hear anything you're saying.
Jonah: We can't hear anything you're saying!
Glenn: I'm sorry. I- I'm having a hard time hearing you over the birds.
Garrett: Maybe Dina shouldn't have brought her loud, dirty birds into work.
Dina: The birds are suffering severe separation anxiety. What am I supposed to do? Leave them home alone?
Amy: I mean, traditionally, that is what you do with pets. [clanging, screeching]
Sandra: If Dina can bring in her birds, I'd like to bring in my cat. He's very sick with dysentery.
Mateo: This is insane. It smells like Toucan Sam's butthole!
Jonah: Just because you eat something fruity, doesn't make your butt smell fruity.
Dina: For birds, it does. Small berries pass through them virtually undigested.
Glenn: Okay, good meeting, everyone!
Quote from Sandra
Sandra: Hey, Dina? So I don't know what you thought you saw me and Jerry doing during the blizzard.
Dina: Oh, I know what I saw. It was like Winnie the Pooh with his head in the honeypot.
Sandra: What had happened was I had spilled coffee on my pants, so I took them off to dry, and Jerry came over to help, but he tripped and tipped over into my crotch, so...
Dina: Stop, please. I'm not gonna tell anyone about your little affair.
Sandra: Okay, thank you. I hate having secrets, although the sneaking around has made it even sexier.
Dina: Nope, nope, nope. That's gross.
Sandra: He comes over every night, and sometimes we make lasagna together and eat it off each other's bodies.
Dina: Elias, I'm gonna need you to clean up the vomit that's gonna be all over the ladies' bathroom in about three minutes. [to Sandra] Go on.
Quote from Labor
Garrett: [over PA] Attention, shoppers. Is there a doctor in the... Who am I kidding? This is Cloud 9. Anybody here watched a lot of Grey's Anatomy? Maybe Nurse Jackie? Not The Knick.
Quote from Valentine's Day
Garrett: [over PA] Attention shoppers. It's Valentine's Day, and love is in the air, along with dust, pet dander, and toxic mold spores, so pick up a Supercloud air purifier and convince yourself it's making a difference, which it's not, 'cause it's just a fan.