Jeff Quote #8

Quote from Jeff in Spokesman Scandal

Jeff: As most of you may have heard, our company spokesman has been accused of some improprieties.
Garrett: By improprieties, you mean killing and eating people, right? Or is there a tax evasion thing going on as well?
Jeff: The killing and eating. I can't speak to his tax situation.

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 ‘Spokesman Scandal’ Quotes

Quote from Garrett

Dina: The test will detect any drugs in your system. We're talking marijuana, cocaine, heroin, methamphetamines.
Garrett: What about power pellets?
Dina: Ah... I don't see that. What are they?
Garrett: Oh, you just take some big boppers, you cut in some fetty wap, you put a little disco shake on there, and then you roll that up in some Doc McStuffins. Smoke it. Get real high.

Quote from Dina

Dina: I have a work-related question. What security measures are we taking to avoid revenge crimes?
Glenn: Revenge crimes?
Dina: Families of the victims trying to eat us as payback. I mean, that's what I would do.

 Jeff Quotes

Quote from Customer Satisfaction

Jeff: Okay, well, Zephra's looking at the scores and the comments, so it's important that you get positive feedback. Especially this store.
Dina: What's that supposed to mean?
Jeff: There's been some chatter that 1217 is a "problem child" store.
Glenn: What?
Jeff: I mean, you did damage the store's servers, there's the raccoon infestation, there's Carol's lawsuit, not to mention the multiple attempts at unionizing.
Dina: Well, yeah, of course it's gonna sound bad when you just rattle them off in a row like that. But if you interspersed them with good things we've done or just, you know, random trivia...

Quote from Cheyenne's Wedding

Mateo: Jeff!
Jeff: [whispers] Shh. This baby's asleep.
Mateo: Have you been at the wedding this entire time?
Jeff: Yes. You saw me when I came in, and then I think we made eye contact when we were both in line for the bathroom a while ago.
Mateo: I don't think so. I... Anyway, um, it's good to see you.
Jeff: Not you. I hate you.
Mateo: What?
Jeff: Yeah! You dumped me out of nowhere, so of course I hate you. It just sounds funny because I'm whispering. Because I don't want to wake the baby up because... [Harmonica cries] And thank you. Now she's awake. You just can't stop hurting me. Okay, here we go. I'm gonna trade you. You take her. She doesn't like to bounced, okay? [whispers] I hate you. Not you. I love you.