Previous Episode Next Episode 
The Slicer

‘The Slicer’

Season 9, Episode 7 - Aired November 13, 1997

When George starts a great new job, he realizes he had a run in with the boss a decade earlier. Jerry questions the life-saving credentials of dermatologist Sara (guest star Marcia Cross). Meanwhile, Kramer starts slicing meats and lends his slicer to Elaine.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Well, our meat problems are solved.
Jerry: Where did you get this thing?
Kramer: I traded it for my sausage press. I mean, look how thin that is, see that's all surface area. The taste has nowhere to hide.

Rate

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: This slicer is indomitable.
Jerry: Where did you get that butcher's coat?
Kramer: You buy enough meat, they'll give you anything.

Quote from Jerry

Sara: Restaurant, flowers... this is so nice.
Jerry: Well, I'm a classy guy. How's the life saving business?
Sara: It's fine.
Jerry: It must take a really really big zit to kill a man!
Sara: What is with you?
Jerry: You call yourself a lifesaver. I call you Pimple Popper, M.D.!
Parry: [approaches table] Dr. Sitarides?
Sara: Mr. Parry, how are you?
Parry: I just wanted to thank you again for saving my life.
Jerry: She saved your life?
Parry: I had skin cancer.
Jerry: Skin cancer. Damn.

Quote from George

Clerk: Here you Mr. Costanza.
George: What is this? This is a drawing.
Clerk: Looks real, doesn't it?
George: This is a cartoon!
Clerk: Hey, I had to draw that guy from memory. Considering, I think that's damn good.
George: But it's not a photograph, I need a photograph!
Clerk: Then you better get a camera.

Quote from George

Jerry: He looks like a Peanuts character.
George: I know. The only way to fix it now, is to get a whole new photo of Kruger.
Jerry: You can do that.
George: Without his shirt on.
Jerry: You can't do that. Well, maybe Kruger wasn't the place for you.
George: It seemed so disorganized.
Jerry: I understand.

Quote from Jerry

Elaine: Of course she treats skin cancer. That's how I met her. She was doing a skin cancer screening at Peterman. This what dermatologists do.
Jerry: Sadly, that knowledge could have helped me.

Quote from Kramer

George: Kramer, I really owe you one.
Kramer: George, we got a problem.
George: What?
Kramer: Well, he's got a mole on his shoulder. Very suspicious.
George: So, tell him you're concerned about it and he should see someone else.
Kramer: George, why would I, a Julliard-trained dermatologist, send him to another doctor?
George: Because, you're not a dermatologist.
Kramer: No, but he thinks I am. I'm not gonna betray that trust. Here's what I wanna do;.I think I can get a section...
George: Whoa, whoa, a section?!
Kramer: Yeah, if I could crab my slicer and he holds still...
George: No, you're not taking a deli slicer to my boss.
Kramer: It'll be ultra-thin. He'll barely feel it.
George: No! Absolutely not!
Kramer: Well, it's my medical opinion, that you're making a big mistake. And it's going in my chart.

Quote from George

Jerry: I can't believe Kruger didn't fire you after all you did.
George: He said he didn't care. Oh, God I love that place.

Quote from Elaine

Kramer: Elaine, all right where's the SP2000? 'cause I gotta slice.
Elaine: Aah, I forgot it. I gotta get home.
Kramer: Okay, I'll go with you.
Elaine: Um, I'm not actually going straight to home, I have to first stop at the, uh... Circus, you know with all the... clowns.
Kramer: Oh, well you have fun. [Elaine leaves] No clowns. Hate clowns. The clowns.

Quote from Elaine

Elaine: Hey.
Jerry: Morning.
Elaine: Look, this is crazy, I can't go on like this.
Jerry: But why?
Elaine: I need some space.
George: Does that mean I have to go too?
Jerry: You don't think she's just talking to me?
George: Hey, shut up.
Jerry: You shut up.
Elaine: I hate this.
Kramer: You'll get used to it. It's like a rugby scrum.
Elaine: No, I don't want this anymore.
Jerry: We'll come to work with you.
George: And on your dates.
Jerry: And shopping.
Kramer: And to the bathroom.
Jerry, George and Kramer: Elaine, Elaine, Elaine, Elaine...
Elaine: I can't breath... I'm suffocating... You're killing me!
[Elaine wakes up from a bad dream. Seeing it's 3:29, Elaine tries to shut her alarm clock off. She realizes it's coming from the next apartment]
Elaine: [bangs the wall] Turn your alarm off! [screams]

 First PagePage 3