Elaine: What do you got, a cucumber?
George: Yeah. So what?
Elaine: You're bringing in an outside cucumber?
George: They refuse to put cucumber in the salad. I need cucumber.

Jerry: [reading his own note] What have I done? I can't read this! Ful-hel-mo-nen-ter-val? I got up last night, I wrote this down, I thought I had this great bit. Wait a second. Wait a second. "Fax me some halibut." Is that funny? Is that a joke?
Elaine: No. Let me see that. "Don't-mess-with-Johnny."
Jerry: Johnny? Johnny who? Johnny Carson? Did I insult Johnny on The Tonight Show?
Elaine: Did you mess with Johnny, Jerry?

Jerry: I'll call an ambulance. [exits]
Waitress: Is everything all right?
George: We'll just take a check. [the waitress leaves] You made a mistake on the..
Elaine: George!

Man: [o.s.] Ooh! Argh!
George: Are.. Are you okay?
Man: [o.s.] Ooh!
George: I'm George. George Costanza. I've never been in the hospital a day in my life, except when I had my tonsils out. You know, they never gave me any ice cream. I always felt that-
Man: [o.s.] Shut up!

Jerry: Well? What do you think?
Nurse: "Salami, salami, bologna." Definitely.
Jerry: "Salami salami bologna"?

Jerry: Hey, how you doing buddy? You need anything? Do you want me to go out and get you a Superman comic?
George: No, no thanks.
Jerry: You know, I was wondering.. You know that Blackhawks jacket you have?
George: Oh, sure, my Blackhawks jacket. I love my Blackhawks jacket.
Jerry: Well, you know, I was thinking... If things don't exactly work out...
George: Well, it wouldn't fit you. The sleeves are too short.
Jerry: No, I tried it on. It fits good.
George: Well, I didn't really think about what I was gonna do with all...
Jerry: Well, you know...
George: Well, okay.
Jerry: Oh, and... Do you think it would be all right if I called Susan Davis?
George: Susan Davis? Hey, wait a second!
Jerry: Well, it's not like we'd be bumping into you.
George: I don't know. You and Susan Davis?
Jerry: You know, if your future was a little more certain.

George: Okay, go ahead. Call her, get married, have babies, have a great life. What do I care? I'm finished. It's all over for me. In fact, let's end it right now. Jerry, kill me. Kill me now. I'm begging you. Let's just get it over with. Be a pal. Just take the pillow and put it over my face.
Jerry: Well, ah.. [takes pillow] What? Kind of like this? [smothers George]
George: What are you doing?! What are you, crazy?!
Elaine: [enters] Jerry!
Jerry: Elaine, what are you doing here? [puts the pillow that behind George's neck]
George: Jerk off.

Jerry: [whispers to Elaine] There's nothing wrong with him. I saw the doctor. He's fine.
Elaine: Hi, George. How you feeling? Is anybody getting your apartment?

Jerry: Hey, that was really fun, George. Can we go home now?
Doctor: No, actually, we'd like to keep him here overnight for observation, just to be safe.
George: Oh, sure. Sure, anything. Can you believe it? There's nothing wrong with me.
Doctor: Well, I wouldn't go that far.
George: What? Oh my God. What? Is it meningitis? Scoliosis? Lupis?! Is it Lupis?!
Doctor: Have you ever had your tonsils taken out?
George: My tonsils? Yeah, when I was a kid.
Doctor: Well, they've grown back. Your adenoids are swollen too.

Doctor: Anyway, I strongly recommend they come out.
George: What? You mean with a knife?
Doctor: Yes. With a knife. You know, snip, snip. Anyway, you'd be completely under, you wouldn't feel a thing. And when you wake up, you can have some ice cream.
George: Yeah, that's what they told me the last time.