Elaine: What are you doing?
Jerry: I can't go if you're mad.
Elaine: I'm not mad.
Jerry: You seemed a little mad.
Elaine: No, no. Jerry, I'm fine really. It's okay.
Jerry: So you're okay with everything?
Elaine: Definitely. Are you?
Jerry: Definitely. Well, goodnight.
Elaine: Goodn- [Jerry leans in to kiss her] What are you doing?
Jerry: What?
Elaine: Rules.
Tina: Hey, who took my cake? [Jerry exits]

George: What does she need? Maybe there's something that she needs.
Jerry: I think I heard her say something about a bench.
George: A bench? What kind of a bench?
Jerry: I don't know, but she mentioned a bench.
George: What, like at a bus stop?
Jerry: I don't know.
George: Like a park bench?
Jerry: I have no idea.
George: Who puts a bench in their house?
Jerry: Forget the bench.

George: I got it. You wanna get her something nice? How 'bout a music box?
Jerry: No, too relationshippy. She opens it up, she hears that "Lara's Theme", I'm dead.

George: Okay, what about a nice frame? With a picture of another guy in it. Frame says I care for you, but if you wanna get serious, perhaps you'd be interested in someone like this.
Jerry: Nice looking fellow.

George: What about candle holders?
Jerry: Too romantic.
George: Lingerie?
Jerry: Too sexual.
George: Waffle maker.
Jerry: Too domestic.
George: Bust of Nelson Rockefeller.
Jerry: Too gubernatorial.
George: Let's work on the card.

Elaine: Pal? You think I'm your pal?
Jerry: I said, "and more."
Elaine: I am not your pal.
Jerry: What's wrong with pal? Why is everyone so down on pal?

Jerry: You know, we never had one fight before this deal.
Elaine: I know.
Jerry: Never.
Elaine: Ever.
Jerry: We got along beautifully.
Elaine: Like clams.
Jerry: It was wonderful.
Elaine: A pleasure.
Jerry: So I think we should just forget the whole deal, and go back to being friends.
Elaine: I can't do it.
Jerry: You what?
Elaine: I can't do that.
Jerry: You mean it's... [she nods] No this? No that? No this or that? Oh, boy. Hmm, what do you want?
Elaine: This, that, and the other.
Jerry: Oh, sure. Of course, you're entitled. Who doesn't want this, that, and the other?
Elaine: You.
Jerry: Well...

George: Oh, those birthdays. I told you. They're relationship killers. If a relationship is having any problems whatsoever, a birthday will always bring it out.
Jerry: I never should have made up those rules.
George: What is it about sex that just disrupts everything? Is it the touching? Is it the nudity?
Jerry: It can't be the nudity. I never got into these terrible fights and misunderstandings when I was changing before gym class.

George: You know what this means? I can't see her anymore either.
Jerry: Why?
George: It's break up by association. Besides, she's mad at me anyway because of my birthday present.
Jerry: What did you end up giving her?
George: 91 dollars.
Jerry: Sorry about that.

George: So what're you gonna do?
Jerry: Well, if I call her, there's no joking around anymore. This is pretty much it.
George: So, maybe this should be it.
Jerry: Could be it.
George: She seems like an it.
Jerry: She's at it as you get. Imagine bumping into her on the street in five years with a husband. And she tells me he's a sculptor, they live in Vermont...
George: [chuckles] We'd have to kill him.
Jerry: We'd get caught. I'd get the chair.
George: I'd go to prison as your accomplice. I'd have to wear that really heavy denim. Go to the cafeteria line with the guy who slops those mashed potatoes onto your plate. Go to the bathroom in front of hundreds of people.
Jerry: Plus, you know what else.
George: You better call her.