Dr. Kelso Quote #473
Quote from Dr. Kelso in Our Driving Issues
Dr. Kelso: Thanks again, Turkleton, for giving me the lift. Hitching rides with students was not working out. The constant stops at keg parties and strip clubs, they just weren't into it. But hey, nobody hustles Bob Kelso out of the champagne room. That is my house.
Turk: If I even step into the parking lot of a strip club, Carla, she can pick up the scent of glitter and vanilla body wash like nobody's business. I'm telling you, it's like she's a stripper bloodhound.
Dr. Kelso: Oh, well, I gotta get home early anyway. I wanna read the internet before they take it down.
Turk: I'm not exactly sure that's how that works, sir.
Scrubs Quotes
‘Our Driving Issues’ Quotes
Quote from Dr. Cox
Denise: That little stunt you pulled with Trang? Not cool. I needed him for real hospital work.
Dr. Cox: Having him move my car, I'll have you know, was hospital work of the highest order.
Denise: That's exactly what Trang needed. Driving back and forth in the parking lot, reinforcing every stereotype of Asian drivers. Look, you're the one who put me with the med students, so don't undermine me.
Who's in charge of 'em, you or me?
Dr. Cox: I am in charge of you, and by the transitive property, anybody you're in charge of I'm also in charge of. You see, I'm the boss around here. I pretty much do whatever I want. For instance, I can use the intercom to whistle. Any loose change, automatically mine. And I never have to buy chocolate bars from any of my colleagues' awful children to support their horrible school band. I can do whatever I want, and you just have to stand and nod, like the sweet-mouthed little man-boy monkey toy that you truly are. [coin drops] Mine.
Quote from Dr. Kelso
Dr. Cox: Well, then, Bobbo, I figured out what's causing the fainting.
Dr. Kelso: Men don't faint.We take unintended decisive naps.
Dr. Cox: It's just vagal syncope. Nothing to worry about.
Dr. Kelso: That's a relief. So just fill my prescription for blue steel and I'll be on my way.
Dr. Cox: There is one other thing. Unfortunately, given your age and your current insurance regulations, they're not gonna let you drive anymore.
Dr. Kelso: Oh, that's crazy! I'm a great driver.
[flashback to Kelso eating, reading a newspaper and answering his phone as he drives:]
Dr. Kelso: Hey, what's up? [horn honks] Nothin'. Ah, I was about to grab some yogurt. [tires squeal]
[present:]
Dr. Kelso: Ah, I guess I can bum rides. Well, it's good, actually. You don't know how many times I've been out late and had to pass on that seventh drink. No more Mr. Responsible!
Quote from Dr. Cox
Drew: [answers phone] Hello?
Dr. Cox: Number One, I need you to prep some forms for Dr. Kelso, get the notes for today's lecture out of my office, and set my DVR to record Big Bang Theory. The whole world is watching this thing, and I've got to know why.