J.D. Quote #1038

Quote from J.D. in My New God

Paige: You know what used to drive Perry nuts as a kid? Every night we'd play Horse in the driveway and I'd always kick his ass.
J.D.: Can Christians say "ass" now? I have a friend, Pat Casey, he called his mom an ass once. She hit him in the face with an iron. He still goes to church, but he can't whistle anymore.


 ‘My New God’ Quotes

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: What does he find irritating about you?
Dr. Cox: Fire at will.
Paige: I've embraced the Lord Jesus Christ as my personal savior.
J.D.: [v.o.] I'm not sure why it was suddenly so awkward, I wished something'd break the tension.
Turk: [paper beeps] [singing] Hallelujah A brother's 'bout to have some sex Hallelujah A brother's 'bout to have some sex Smack the moneymaker! Smack it!
J.D.: That's how he likes it.
Turk: Sex time, people!
J.D.: He's married, so it's strictly procreation sex. His wife's throwing her legs up in the air because they're trying for a boy. Like Jesus.

Quote from Elliot

Elliot: You can talk to me if you want.
Turk: Elliot, I can't talk to you about sex. I don't understand that crazy gibberish you use. Penis is schwing-something.
Elliot: Schwing-schwong, peepers or peep.
Turk: And vagina is...
Elliot: Disgusting, but also bajingo or hoo-hoo.
Turk: Here's the deal. I'm trying to get in the mood, right? And Carla's going on and on about her cervical mucus.
Elliot: Ah-ah, b-b-but, mm-mmm. From now on, [quietly] cervical mucus will be referred to as "icky sticky."
Turk: Icky sticky.

Quote from Elliot

Elliot: I don't know why I bother. Little Hayley doesn't have a chance this month. I name my eggs. Big frick. Last month it was Cassie.
J.D.: Ooh, Cassie's pretty.
Elliot: Oh, she would have been, J.D. She would have been.

 John J.D. Dorian Quotes

Quote from My Missed Perception

Mrs. Wilk: I choose Dr. Dorian.
J.D.: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I don't even believe it! I don't believe it-lieve it-lieve it! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Yes! I'm shaking! Look at this! It's crazy-talk!
Mrs. Wilk: He played hearts with me all night.
Dr. Cox: [groans]
Mrs. Wilk: You're a very strange man, aren't you?
J.D.: I was a preemie.

Quote from My Long Goodbye

Dr. Cox: What the hell am I gonna do?
J.D.: [v.o.] Unfortunately for Dr. Cox, that's when Elliot walked by and showcased her oddest talent.
Elliot: Somebody just had a baby.
Dr. Cox: How do you know?
Elliot: My uterus is glowing.
J.D.: My mom had an uterus. I lived in it.

Quote from My Interpretation

J.D.: Look... Janitor, I'm gonna be straight with you. I saw your penis and I noticed a possible melanoma that you should really have checked out.
Janitor: When did you see my penis?
J.D.: Last night, when you were showering.
Janitor: Where were you?
J.D.: Oh, I was outside in the bushes. Look, it was just a coincidence, man. If you had looked out the window you would have seen my penis.
Janitor: What?! Why?!
J.D.: Because I had it out while I was looking at yours.