Dr. Kelso Quote #4

Quote from Dr. Kelso in My Mentor

Elliot: Hi, how are you? I need David Farr's chart.
Nurse Roberts: We all need lots of things.
Elliot: Great. Dr. Kelso? You're the Chief of Medicine. Is there a special way to communicate with nursing staff that I'm not getting?
Dr. Kelso: Well, sugar won't work because they're already so sweet. Now, listen, Dr. Whatever-the-hell-your-name-is, you tattled yesterday, I responded. I feel closer to you than ever, really. But the ramifications are yours. So don't try to drag me into your pathetic, whiny, little squabble with that Godawful bunch of malcontents. I hope you all kill each other. Have a great day, ladies.
Elliot: I hate this place.

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‘My Mentor’ Quotes

Quote from Janitor

J.D.: How's it goin'?
Janitor: I'm 37 years old and I'm a janitor. How do you think it's going?
J.D.: Now, there is nothing wrong with being a janitor.
Janitor: Really? Thank you, you've turned my life around. I'm going to have to go tell my janitor wife and all our janitor kids that life is worth living. And that comes straight from our hero, Dr. Whozits, Dr. Nothing. No, seriously, come on. You can come over to my humble house and point out things that are cheap.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: You're to return that umbrella to me at the hospital. Not here. Is that clear? And, Newbie... Know what your problem is?
J.D.: My bones hurt?
Dr. Cox: You were gonna, what, rescue me from loneliness with a $3 six-pack of light beer? It turns out we can't save people from themselves, Newbie. We just treat 'em. We treat that kid with a respiratory problem and when he comes back with cancer, go ahead and treat that, too.
J.D.: Well, thanks for the pick-me-up.
Dr. Cox: Hey! Smokers, drinkers, druggies, fatties, whatever. All I'm saying is that if you keep living and dying on whether or not a person changes, well... You're not gonna make it as a doctor, that's all. Now come here and give me a hug. It's OK, come here. Oh, get outta here! And take this piss water with you. It's embarrassing to have it here.
Man: [o.s.] I'll drink it!
Dr. Cox: Eh, I'll take the beer. You'll beat it.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [v.o.] The human brain is remarkable. Once a day for nine years I thought I'd lost my watch because I can't remember which wrist it's on. And yet, just after two weeks, all the things that scared me at first are like second nature. Catheters, chest tubes, IVs. Everything has started to click.
["Good Time" by Leroy plays]
Dr. Kelso: [music stops] Are you? Because if you have time to listen to music, then I assume you have time to finish your paperwork.
Janitor: [sings] Having a good time.... Keep moving.

Dr. Kelso Quotes

Quote from My Kingdom

Dr. Cox: I have no words.
Dr. Kelso: How about handsome? Or glorious?
Dr. Cox: And this abomination is the reason we can't afford a new computer?
Dr. Kelso: Well, that and the little medical boondoggle I have to go to in Cleveland. And by medical boondoggle, I mean golf weekend. And by Cleveland, I mean Hawaii.
Dr. Cox: Do you have any idea what people around here think of you?
Dr. Kelso: I go to bed some nights wondering. And you know what happens to me, Perry? I fall asleep. And I mean like a log, brother. Anyway, I have to go catch my bus to the airport. And by bus, I mean helicopter.

Quote from My First Day

J.D.: [v.o.] Just tell him you can't see Mr. Burski again, he'll understand.
J.D.: Sir, do you think I could skip just this one?
Dr. Kelso: Why, sure, sport.
J.D.: [v.o.] See? Every story needs a good guy.
Dr. Kelso: In fact, why don't you just head on home? You look kinda tired.
J.D.: I am pretty tired.
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Dorian, do you not realize that you're nothing but a large pair of scrubs to me? For God's sake, the only reason I carry this chart around is so I can pretend to remember your damn names. Now, look, if the patient has insurance, you treat them. If they don't, you show them the door. And if somebody dies, you get the autopsy. You get it by rounds tomorrow or I'll be scratching your name off my chart. Are we clear? Answer me!
J.D.: Crystal clear.
Dr. Kelso: Great, sport.

Quote from My Dumb Luck

Dr. Kelso: So, have you killed anyone yet?
Boon: What? No.
Dr. Kelso: Well, you will.
Boon: Super.
Dr. Kelso: It's a rite of passage for doctors. If you're lucky, it'll be a patient who's on his way out anyway. My first kill was a 19-year-old girl. She came in with severe abdominal pain. I thought it was appendicitis. Turned out, she was pregnant and didn't know it. It was ectopic and she was bleeding internally. I should have checked for that. But by the time I discovered my mistake, it was too late. Sometimes I look at this old hospital, I actually see the faces of all the patients I've lost. Booga, booga, booga!
Boon: Aah!
Dr. Kelso: [laughs] Priceless. But I do see them sometimes.