Dr. Cox: What is with mothers doting on their children? My God. It's like- It's like nobody else exists in the world anymore. But I tell you one thing, and you can damn sure take it to the bank, my mother never paid that much attention to me.
J.D.: It doesn't show.
Dr. Cox: Word to the wise there, Astro. Sarcasm does not sit well with the Big Dog, so consider this a warning. Because the next time I hear you mumble some little passive-aggressive aside, I'm going to look into your heart, pick out your greatest insecurity, and shine the world's brightest spotlight on it for the remainder of natural-born your days. Now, riddle me this, Fido. Just exactly why does every Asian person who's passing us by in the hallway here keep giving you the old stink-eye?

Dr. Cox: OK, Mrs. Brady, we're going to break up your kidney stone with lithotripsy. In the meantime, we're gonna put you on Percocet for the pain.
Mrs. Brady: I can't take painkillers. Justin's still breastfeeding.
Justin: [clicks tongue]
Dr. Cox: Oh, you like milk, do you? Why don't you get on your bike, go to the store and get some?

Carla: Is this true?
Turk: [scoffs] Ralphie, I paid you ten dollars.
Carla: This is disgusting.
Turk: Why is it disgusting?
Ralphie: Because it was in my butt.
Turk: Ralphie, I'm dead serious. I want you to shut up. And you shut your mouth right now.
Carla: Would you wear this?
Turk: Baby! I've had this thing steam-cleaned, like, three times. Not only would I wear it, I'll put it in my mouth. [swallows]
Carla: What?
Ralphie: It's fun to eat things.