Alexis: Oh, my God, ever since David left, you two have been so dramatic. Do I have to remind you of the time that I was taken hostage on David Geffen's yacht by Somali pirates for a week, and nobody answered my texts?!
Moira: I had just had my eyelashes dyed, everything was cloudy!

David: So are you nervous? This is like the first job you've ever had.
Alexis: No it isn't.
David: Putting your name on a line of edible nail polish isn't what I would call having a job.
Alexis: I was very hands on, David. I came up with all the flavours by myself.
David: Even the one that poisoned all those people?
Alexis: David, the factory in Guangzhou assured us that it was lead-free. Ugh!

David: What's going on?
Patrick: So I used to come on this hike a lot, when I first moved here, and I was, uh, I was developing feelings for this guy I had just gotten into business with. And I didn't know what to do about it because I didn't know if that guy had the same feelings. Or if I'd ever be able to muster up the courage to let him know how I felt. And now, here he is. The love of my life, standing in front of me. [David sobs] And this just felt like the perfect place to ask you to marry me.
David: [sobs] Wha- Are you sure?
Patrick: Easiest decision of my life.
David: [laughs; Patrick and David kiss] Are these 24-karat? It's a yes, it's a yes! I love you.

Roland: Wow, Johnny, are you okay?
Moira: How long has this affliction been operative?
Johnny: Yeah, I felt a little tightening this morning, Moira, when I picked up that box of programs from the printer's, but I'm good.
Moira: John, how was I to know you were in peril? You keep everything inside, like a bashful clam!

Dr. Lipman: Hi, I'm Doctor Lipman. We're gonna take you back for some tests.
Johnny: Good.
Moira: Is "tests" code for open heart surgery? You can tell me, I once played a nurse on "M.A.S.H."