Moira: [sniffles] Good... [voice breaks] Good evening, everyone, welcome to the marriage of Patrick Brewer and David... [voice breaks] David Rose. We are gathered here today to celebrate the love between two people, whose lives were ostensibly brought together by the fated flap of a butterfly wing. It is all but impossible to explain why things happen the way they do. Our lives are like little bébé crows, carried upon a curious wind. And all we can wish, for our families, for those we love, is that that wind will eventually places us on solid ground. And I believe it's done just that for my family here. In this little town. In the middle of nowhere.

Patrick: David, I can't believe this is happening. I'm gonna keep this very short because I think you already know that I would climb a thousand mountains for you. So I'll just say this: you will always be a part of me. [singing] And I'm part of you indefinitely Boy don't you know you can't escape me 'Cause you know you'll always be my baby And we'll linger on Time can't erase a feeling this strong No way you're never gonna shake me Ooh darling 'cause you'll always be my baby

David: Patrick, I've never liked a smile as much as I like yours. I've never felt as safe as I do when I'm with you. [crying] I've never known love, like I have when we're together. It's not been an easy road for me. But... knowing that you will always be there for me at the end of it, makes everything okay. Patrick Brewer, you are my happy ending.
Patrick: [chuckles]

Moira: Patrick, do you take David to be your lawfully wedded husband?
Patrick: I do.
Moira: And David. [voice breaks, shouts] David, do you take Patrick to be your lawfully wedded husband?
David: I do.
Moira: I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss each other.

Ronnie: I know the florist. I can see if she can throw in some extra flowers.
Johnny: Ronnie, you don't seem to realize we don't have the time.
Ronnie: Johnny, when I say I know the florist, I mean, I know the florist.
Johnny: Oh.
Patrick: Yes! Ronnie! That's great! Thank you so much.
Ronnie: I'm doing this for David.
Patrick: Of course you are.

Johnny: Ah, everybody, I'd like to thank you all for coming out today, and uh helping to save David and Patrick's big day. And on a personal note, I'd like to thank you all... for helping to save my family over these past few years. I don't think we could have gotten through without you all...

Johnny: Wait! Stop the car!
Moira: What is it?
Johnny: Just wanted one last look. Driver, we're ready.
[The camera pans around to reveal the "Welcome to Schitt's Creek sign" has been repainted with Moira and Johnny in place of the "brother and sister". David and Alexis have been added to the background.]

Alexis: This might be a stupid question because there is like literally nothing you can do about it, but why didn't you guys get a tent?
Johnny: Not helping, Alexis.
David: Because I wanted the wood-fired pizza oven and we couldn't afford both. Someone has to call the officiant. He's on his way from Elmdale. What happened to Fabian?!
Johnny: He cancelled because of the rain.
Moira: What kind of adult man rides a penny-farthing?
David: He's a haikuist!

David: What is she talking about?
Moira: A hiccup.
David: What hiccup? Who's hiccuping?
Alexis: Okay, David, shush for a minute. There was a big storm last night. And things got a bit wet.
David: How wet?
Johnny: We've been looking into changing venues.
David: Oh my God. To where? Bob's Garage?
Moira: No, his roof was no match for the cumulus clouds.
David: I've woken up in a Black Mirror episode.

Alexis: Like, soon I won't be able to just like come in here and say hey.
Moira: No, I think you'll be surprised at how quickly you'll appreciate the luxury of privacy.
Alexis: I remember there was like a whole year that we just didn't even see each other.
Moira: That's not true. Unless it was the year I booked that international campaign for Looky-Loo Binoculars.
Alexis: I'm just saying... A part of me feels like... I'm almost glad that we lost the money.
Moira: [forced chuckle] Well, I'm happy you and your feeling are so well acquainted. But you wouldn't be the first hostage to fall in love with their captor.