April Quote #17
April: [to camera] Is it weird that my feelings are hurt that no one's found any dirt on me yet? Hello! I drove a riding lawn mower through a Nordstrom! There's video that I took! It's on the Internet. Nothing.
Quote from Leslie Knope
Ann: Leslie, relax.
Leslie Knope: Yeah. Okay? I just have a few more questions for you, Ann. What if he shows up with another woman? What if one of my sleeves catches on fire and it spreads rapidly? What if instead of Tic Tacs, I accidentally pop a couple of Ambien and I have to keep punching my leg to stay awake?
Ann: Those are all insane hypotheticals. And I promise you they won't happen.
Leslie Knope: They have happened. All of these have happened to me.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: No, there's more. One time, I accidentally drank an entire bottle of vinegar. I thought it was terrible wine. Once I went out with a guy who wore 3D glasses the entire evening. Oh, one time I rode in a sidecar on a guy's motorcycle, and the sidecar detached and went down a flight of stairs. Another time, I went to a really boring movie with a guy, and while I was asleep, he tried to pull out one of my teeth. I literally woke up with his hand in my mouth. We went out a couple times after that, but then he got weird.
Quote from Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] I've established a scientifically perfect 10-point scale of human beauty. Wendy is a 7.4, which is way too high for Tom, who is a 3.8. Ten is tennis legend Steffi Graf.