Tom Quote #45
Quote from Tom in The Stakeout
Dave Sanderson: How you doing tonight, sir?
Tom: I'm all right, Officer. How are you?
Dave Sanderson: I'm responding to a 9-1-1 call about a suspicious person breaking into a van. I need you to step out and show me some ID.
Tom: No, it's okay. My name is Tom Haverford. I work for the Parks Department. I just got locked out of the van. I had to jimmy my way back in.
Dave Sanderson: Well, why don't you jimmy your way out and show me some ID.
Tom: Well, I just told you my ID. So, what's the crime here? Parking while Indian?
Dave Sanderson: No, there's no stereotypes about Indians sitting in vehicles.
Tom: All right, fine. Here's my ID. Nice job, Paul Blart. Why don't you head back to the mall, make sure nobody's breaking into Lady Foot Locker?
Dave Sanderson: Hey. I'm very close right now to placing you under arrest for disorderly conduct. Step out of the van.
Tom: I'll step out of your mama's van. [screams] I didn't do anything! I'm a city employee, man! Come on! Leslie!
Parks and Recreation Quotes
‘The Stakeout’ Quotes
Quote from Tom
Leslie Knope: You're not from here, right?
Tom: No. I'm from South Carolina.
Leslie Knope: But you moved to South Carolina from where?
Tom: My mother's uterus.
Leslie Knope: But you were conceived in Libya, right?
Tom: Wow. No. I was conceived in America. My parents are Indian.
Leslie Knope: Where did the name 'Haverford' come from?
Tom: My birth name is Darwish Zubair Ismail Gani, and I changed it to Tom Haverford because, you know, brown guys with funny-sounding Muslim names don't make it really far in politics.
Leslie Knope: What about Barack Obama?
Tom: Okay, yeah, fine, Barack Obama. If I knew a dude named Barack Obama was going to be elected President, yeah, maybe I wouldn't have changed it.
Quote from Leslie Knope
Leslie Knope: I have stakeout supplies. This is stuff that we're probably going to need. We have notepads, pencils and pencil case. Shakable whipped cream. Cameras. Pork. And candy necklaces. It's like we're real police. And I made us a mix CD. It's all filled with songs about people watching people. It's mostly Sting. And look, I put our faces on there.
Tom: It's really cool.
Quote from Leslie Knope
Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] I would like to be President someday, so, no, I have not smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once. At a party in college. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable, actually. I felt like I was floating. Turns out there wasn't any pot in the brownie. It was just an insanely good brownie.