Ron Swanson Quote #199

Quote from Ron Swanson in Road Trip

Denise: Are you Ron Swanson?
Ron Swanson: I am.
Denise: Okay, what exactly did you teach my daughter?
Ron Swanson: Oh, you must be Mrs. Berkus.
Denise: Lauren was supposed to do a paper on why government matters. This is what she wrote.
Ron Swanson: "It doesn't." [laughs] Well said.
Denise: Is this a joke?
Ron Swanson: No, ma'am. I legitimately believe that. I'm a Libertarian.
Denise: Oh, that's nice. Well, she is a fourth grader. And fourth graders aren't supposed to have their heads crammed full of weird ideas. They're supposed to do cute reports and get gold stars.
Ron Swanson: I'm very sorry. I was only...
Denise: And you ate her lunch? And you gave her a land mine? Really?
Ron Swanson: Well, it seemed appropriate at the time. I...
Denise: How?


 ‘Road Trip’ Quotes

Quote from Tom

Tom: Here's the sitch. I developed a dope new game show where I ask couples scandalous questions, and they have to guess what the other one answered. I call this Know Ya Boo.
Jerry: Oh, that sounds like The Newlywed Game.
Tom: Shut up, Jerry! It's not The Newlywed Game okay?
[aside to camera:]
Tom: It is totally The Newlywed Game. But big deal. Everyone steals. My favorite movie is Love Don't Cost a Thing, with Nick Cannon, which is based on Can't Buy Me Love, which is based on Kramer vs. Kramer or something, which I think was Shakespeare. Don't know, don't care.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: Look, little girl, can we postpone this for another day? It's unsettling having you just sit there.
Lauren: But my report's due tomorrow.
Ron Swanson: What's it on?
Lauren: Why government matters.
Ron Swanson: Really?
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: It's never too early to learn that the government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer's teat until they have sore, chapped nipples. I'm gonna need a different metaphor to give this nine-year-old.

Quote from Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson: What's your name, ma'am?
Lauren: Lauren Berkus.
Ron Swanson: Lauren, my name is Ron Swanson, and I'm gonna tell you everything you need to know about the miserable, screwed-up world of local government.
Lauren: You have mustard in your moustache.
Ron Swanson: Don't sass me, Berkus. Let's get started. "Life, liberty, and property." That's John Locke.