Denise: Are you Ron Swanson?
Ron Swanson: I am.
Denise: Okay, what exactly did you teach my daughter?
Ron Swanson: Oh, you must be Mrs. Berkus.
Denise: Lauren was supposed to do a paper on why government matters. This is what she wrote.
Ron Swanson: "It doesn't." [laughs] Well said.
Denise: Is this a joke?
Ron Swanson: No, ma'am. I legitimately believe that. I'm a Libertarian.
Denise: Oh, that's nice. Well, she is a fourth grader. And fourth graders aren't supposed to have their heads crammed full of weird ideas. They're supposed to do cute reports and get gold stars.
Ron Swanson: I'm very sorry. I was only...
Denise: And you ate her lunch? And you gave her a land mine? Really?
Ron Swanson: Well, it seemed appropriate at the time. I...
Denise: How?