Marcia Langman: Perd, we strongly believe in teaching and practicing abstinence.
Marshall Langman: [camp voice] We all have some crazy urges from time to time, but you just can't act on them. You have to bury them way down deep inside. You have to say, "Get out of here, you crazy urges! You are not welcome in this brain of mine!"
Perd Hapley: There are some statistics that I'd like to share with you now, and they are numbers. Some 85% of Pawnee residents support abstinence-only education.
Marshall Langman: And the other 15% are perverts. J.K., you guys. [laughs]
Perd Hapley: And 100% of Pawneeans are "Perd-verts." That's the name I call fans of this show based on the fact that my name is Perd. We'll see you after the break, Perd-verts.