Jess Quote #748
Quote from Jess in Background Check
Winston: Sarge, I have something I need to tell you.
Jess: Wait! Sergeant! My name is Jessica Day, and this is my meth.
Sergeant Dorado: What?!
Jess, No. I won't accept that. So... The bathroom is covered in meth. Meth that belongs to me. And it may have intoxicated me through the skin on my breasts. But I assure you, no one here had any prior knowledge of any of this. Especially Winston. And I don't want him to go down for my mistake. You'd be lucky to have him as a cop. Take me downtown to the all-lady fur factory. [lays down] Okay, cuff me. Somebody bring me handcuffs. I'm guilty. Is she cuffing me? I can't see what's going on up there.
Nick: Do you feel anything?
Jess: Does meth make you feel, like, normal, but, like... like your face feels, like, scratchy? Oh, no, that's just the carpet on my face.
New Girl Quotes
‘Background Check’ Quotes
Quote from Cece
Cece: It was Mark-Paul Gosselaar.
Schmidt: What? You... you were... you were with Zack Morris?
Cece: Mm-hmm.
Schmidt: Guy's a frigging god. I mean, all right. I've... I surrender. That's awes... Can I come to the wedding? [Cece laughs] You think Slater and Screech are gonna be there?
Cece: [laughing] I'm kidding. I just wanted to see you freak out.
Schmidt: You really had me going there for a second.
Cece: [laughs] It works every time with you. It's amazing. Now...
Schmidt: There was a real second there where I had bad feelings towards Mark-Paul Gosselaar, and I didn't like any moment of that. How dare you. Don't ever do that to me again.
Quote from Nick
Nick: When I was nine years old, I fed cereal flakes to a frog, and it died. Then I went into a period of time where I fed cereal flakes to all little animals. Squirrels can live through it, chipmunks can live through it. Anything that lives half in and out of water dies, and I don't understand why. When I was ten, I once walked by my mother sleeping, and I snuck in the room, and I put a lemon in her mouth. When I was 11, I once tried on my girl cousin's wool tights, and I didn't hate the way it felt!
Sergeant Dorado: Why are you telling me this?
Nick: Because you said you wanted to hear everything! My sixteenth year, I never got an erection. I thought they were done. I thought my penis was dead. It wasn't.
Quote from Nick
Sergeant Dorado: Will somebody answer the question so I can write it on the form and we can get on with our lives? Why would Bishop make a good police officer?
Nick: Mustache.
Sergeant Dorado: I'm sorry?
Nick: Because, uh, Winston has a mustache. And, uh, police officers all have mustaches. No, they don't. Not the ladies. Unless the ladies want to. Why can't a lady have a mustache? She can. And it would look sexy. Would you like a green grape shoved in your... given to your mouth? Handed to your mouth?