New Girl - Schmidt Quote #1053

Quote from Schmidt in 300 Feet

Jess: [gasps] A restraining order?! From Sam.
Schmidt: Oof...
Jess: I'm not a restraining order person.
Schmidt: A restraining order. That's worse than herpes ["her-pays"].


‘300 Feet’ Quotes

Quote from Nick

Nick: Can we please stop competing with these fad bars? I hate fads, man.
Schmidt: Nick, just a small little piece of important, friendly advice: you need to give your Ds more emphasis. Fads.
Nick: What I said.
Schmidt: You're gonna get yourself in trouble.
Nick: By hating fads?
Schmidt: That's... maybe just change it to "trendy" bars. Or "hip" bars.
Nick: We need to stop competing with trendy, hip fad bars?

Quote from Schmidt

Nick: Unbelievable. I had to park two blocks away, like an animal. The new bar, Presh, is doing valet and they took all of our spots.
Schmidt: I've been saying for months that we need valet. Is there anything sexier than tossing your keys in the general direction of someone you care nothing about? "Keep it running."

Quote from Winston

Winston: Uh, sorry about that, Riggs. Uh, Jessica, you better be here because you wrote a song you wanted me to listen to.
Jess: I just don't get why Sam would do this. I'm not dangerous.
Winston: Hey. Friend face. That was cute. Cop face. Girl, sit yo' ass down. And use the word "allegedly" when discussing Sam. I do not need Internal Affairs crawling all up in my holes.

Schmidt Quotes

Quote from Godparents

Schmidt: Oh, no. Ruth hasn't been signed out. Um, excuse me. Um, have you seen Ruth? Brown hair, smile that would shake the earth, hates peas?
Girl: A white man broke in today.
Schmidt: A... a white man?! No! Well, what did security do about it?!
Girl: Nothing.
Schmidt: Typical!

Quote from D-Day

Nick: Are you okay? You look gray.
Schmidt: I didn't sleep. I was up preparing for an epic day of wedding decisions. I'm calling it D-Day. Of course, in this situation, the "D" stands for "decisions," and unlike the other D-Day, it will not be a walk on the beach.
Jess: That's incredibly offensive.
Schmidt: I know.

Quote from Wig

Schmidt: You know, when we first met, I had to pretend that all kinds of things were wrong with you just so I wouldn't freak out. You know, like, I gave you a glass eye for a while. You had a wooden foot for a short period of time. There was one week where I pretended that you were a Democrat.
Cece: I am a Democrat.
Schmidt: [laughing] Ah, that's so funny. I love you.
Cece: Okay. So we tell Nick she has a glass eye.
Schmidt: He'll spin out. He'll think the eye is a government-issued camera taking pictures for Langley. [Cece scoffs] Nick's a conspiracy theorist. It's like an Irish carnival up there-- just potato peels, broken rides, fiddle music, dreams left unfulfilled, bloodied soccer jerseys, bunch of women limping around named Moira.