New Girl - Schmidt Quote #1052

Quote from Schmidt in 300 Feet

Nick: Unbelievable. I had to park two blocks away, like an animal. The new bar, Presh, is doing valet and they took all of our spots.
Schmidt: I've been saying for months that we need valet. Is there anything sexier than tossing your keys in the general direction of someone you care nothing about? "Keep it running."

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‘300 Feet’ Quotes

Quote from Nick

Nick: Can we please stop competing with these fad bars? I hate fads, man.
Schmidt: Nick, just a small little piece of important, friendly advice: you need to give your Ds more emphasis. Fads.
Nick: What I said.
Schmidt: You're gonna get yourself in trouble.
Nick: By hating fads?
Schmidt: That's... maybe just change it to "trendy" bars. Or "hip" bars.
Nick: We need to stop competing with trendy, hip fad bars?

Quote from Schmidt

Jess: [gasps] A restraining order?! From Sam.
Schmidt: Oof...
Jess: I'm not a restraining order person.
Schmidt: A restraining order. That's worse than herpes ["her-pays"].

Quote from Winston

Winston: Uh, sorry about that, Riggs. Uh, Jessica, you better be here because you wrote a song you wanted me to listen to.
Jess: I just don't get why Sam would do this. I'm not dangerous.
Winston: Hey. Friend face. That was cute. Cop face. Girl, sit yo' ass down. And use the word "allegedly" when discussing Sam. I do not need Internal Affairs crawling all up in my holes.

Schmidt Quotes

Quote from Godparents

Schmidt: Oh, no. Ruth hasn't been signed out. Um, excuse me. Um, have you seen Ruth? Brown hair, smile that would shake the earth, hates peas?
Girl: A white man broke in today.
Schmidt: A... a white man?! No! Well, what did security do about it?!
Girl: Nothing.
Schmidt: Typical!

Quote from D-Day

Nick: Are you okay? You look gray.
Schmidt: I didn't sleep. I was up preparing for an epic day of wedding decisions. I'm calling it D-Day. Of course, in this situation, the "D" stands for "decisions," and unlike the other D-Day, it will not be a walk on the beach.
Jess: That's incredibly offensive.
Schmidt: I know.

Quote from Wig

Schmidt: You know, when we first met, I had to pretend that all kinds of things were wrong with you just so I wouldn't freak out. You know, like, I gave you a glass eye for a while. You had a wooden foot for a short period of time. There was one week where I pretended that you were a Democrat.
Cece: I am a Democrat.
Schmidt: [laughing] Ah, that's so funny. I love you.
Cece: Okay. So we tell Nick she has a glass eye.
Schmidt: He'll spin out. He'll think the eye is a government-issued camera taking pictures for Langley. [Cece scoffs] Nick's a conspiracy theorist. It's like an Irish carnival up there-- just potato peels, broken rides, fiddle music, dreams left unfulfilled, bloodied soccer jerseys, bunch of women limping around named Moira.