Schmidt Quote #172
Quote from Schmidt in Fancyman, Part 2
Cece: Hey. Great news, um, Jess is taking a shower. Okay, I just need, like, a good, solid ten minutes. Eat this granola bar first. I want to try something called the horse trough.
Schmidt: No, Cece. [tosses granola bar] I'm not having sex with you right now. I have to get everybody in the company's name into a version of "We Didn't Start the Fire."
Cece: Totally fine. What do you need, like, 20 minutes?
Schmidt: Cece, this... Okay, this is real work for my real boss who is not you.
Cece: Oh, I get what's happening here. It's 'cause Ponytail called you a "sex receptionist."
Schmidt: A sex receptionist answers calls all day. A sex-cretary does scheduling, light filing, basically runs the office. So, first of all, thank you for the demotion. And second of all, I quit.
New Girl Quotes
‘Fancyman, Part 2’ Quotes
Quote from Jess
Jess: Um, how good are the Beatles?
Russell: Beatles are the best.
Jess: Were you so upset when they broke up?
Russell: I would have been, but I was one.
Jess: [chuckles] Well, you're not one any more. How's your prostate?
Russell: Uh...
Jess: I had my breast exam last week, and, like, they're fine. It's just boob in there, but we have to be careful. Our bodies are decaying.
Quote from Schmidt
Winston: Mind if I borrow your car to take Shelby to the airport?
Schmidt: Oh, I don't have a car, Winston.
Winston: Hey, Schmidt, uh, you mind if I use the, uh, "man-bulance"?
Schmidt: The man-bulance is resting. He needs to get ready for the corporate team-building retreat on Monday.
Winston: That's cool. I'm sure the man-bulance couldn't handle all of Shelby's luggage anyway.
Schmidt: What the hell is wrong with you, Winston? The man-bulance could fit the luggage of nine Shelbys. It has the towing capacity of a thousand Shelbys. You know what? Here you go, Winston. [hands him the keys] There you go. Enjoy luxury.
Winston: All good, man. I got your second set, so thank you.
Schmidt: How'd you get my second set of keys?
Quote from Jess
Jess: Nick, your houseguest is urinating in the bathroom Tony the Tiger style.
Schmidt: Naked with a kerchief?
Jess: What?
Schmidt: Naked with a kerchief.
Jess: No, what do you call top, no pants?
Schmidt: Oh, that's like a Winnie the Pooh or a Paddington.
Winston: Honey the Smacks Frog.
Schmidt: There's a Donald the Duck. I guess pretty much any kind of bear except for Yogi 'cause that's naked with a tie.
Winston: Alvin, Simon, Theodore.
Jess: I saw his entire butt.