Jess: I know how this looks.
Police Officer: Like you hit a man with your car?
Schmidt: Twice.
Jess: I only meant to hit you once.
Schmidt: Well, you hit me twice.
Jess: Also, he asked me to hit him.
Schmidt: I'm in a really weird place.
Police Officer: I just need to write a report.
Schmidt: She's not a criminal. She... She was being a friend.
Jess: I hit him because I care about him.
Police Officer: You guys are into some weird stuff.