[montage:]
Bradley: I'm not gay, but I would go crazy on Michael Strahan.
Jess: A prominent U.S. senator is trying to contact me.
Steve: You know, I just think Meryl Streep is a dumb bitch.
Jess: An important document has gone missing. I need to find it.
Sebastian: I've been getting into a lot of fist fights lately. Like, a lot. More than usual. But, you know, I'm kind of enjoying them now.
Jess: I have an acquaintance who's in jeopardy.
Normal Guy: Jess?
Jess: Nope, not Jess. [to Schmidt] Velcro shoes, pervert.