Jess Quote #700

Quote from Jess in Dice

Bradley: I'm not gay, but I would go crazy on Michael Strahan.
Jess: A prominent U.S. senator is trying to contact me.
Steve: You know, I just think Meryl Streep is a dumb bitch.
Jess: An important document has gone missing. I need to find it.
Sebastian: I've been getting into a lot of fist fights lately. Like, a lot. More than usual. But, you know, I'm kind of enjoying them now.
Jess: I have an acquaintance who's in jeopardy.
Normal Guy: Jess?
Jess: Nope, not Jess. [to Schmidt] Velcro shoes, pervert.


 ‘Dice’ Quotes

Quote from Jess

Schmidt: Dice is a dating app.
Jess: Dating app.
Schmidt: It's not for you.
Jess: What? Schmidty. Come on. I've Internet dated before. You send an e-mail, you get excited, you wait, you get an e-mail back.
Schmidt: You are just describing e-mailing.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: And that is why... No matter how tricked out it is... You never get into a van.
Jess: "No van."
Schmidt: Okay, moving on. Classic warning signs. Now, last night, the crazy man said he needed to meet you near his house. What he was really saying was, "I expect tonight to end in sex."
Jess: Or maybe he doesn't like to be far from his pets.
Schmidt: Never date a man with pets. The only acceptable pet for a man to have is a saltwater fish.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: The hell is that? What is that noise? [ringtone playing]
Nick: Your cellular technology.
Schmidt: I haven't gotten a non-text message in two years.