Quote from Schmidt in The Curse of the Pirate Bride
Schmidt: Okay, so, uh, Nick and Jess asked the two of us to make a toast the night before their wedding. Winston: But Schmidty and Winnie don't roll like that. Nick: Uh-oh. Winston: So why toast... Both: When we can roast? Nick: This is about to be really funny. Schmidt: Okay, let's start with Nick. Now, I don't want to say Nick here is a lazy piece of human garbage with a flat ass and the writing talents of a brain-dead alcoholic. Winston: [laughs] Because why state the obvious? [Schmidt and Winston laughing] Oh, my God. But in a real way, Nick sucks as a person, y'all. Schmidt: That's right. Winston: He really does. Winston: But more importantly, his writing... also sucks! [Schmidt laughs] You know what they say: you put a thousand monkeys in front of a thousand typewriters... Schmidt: One of them will be Nick, and he'll probably be writing The Pepperwood Chronicles. Winston: [laughs] That's a dumb-ass book.